The Meltdown

It finally happened.

I finally had a pregnancy meltdown. It's not that I hadn't cried in the last four months, but I had good reasons for those tears. Like reading the last Harry Potter book. Or watching the last Harry Potter movie. Or watching a best friend from college marry the love of his life.

But this was brought on by painting. I am trying to get a number of house projects done before the baby's arrival, and I am taking on the paint-related ones on my own (Matt hates to paint). While there had been plenty of spots that needed to be touched up and rooms that needed to be repainted altogether, I hadn't painted since the week we moved in, almost two years ago. Until last month, when I repainted one of our bathrooms and our laundry room.

This weekend, I took on the nursery and our living room. The nursery was fine, but as I was touching up the white ceiling and white baseboards, I fell apart. I realized there wasn't one room in the house that we could consider "done" or "perfect" and that spiraled into "nothing will ever be perfect" and "I just want everything to be perfect for when the baby gets here."

Add the paint drama to the growing to-do list to friend drama to family drama to typical stress to a busy week to an upcoming busy week to a messy house put on hold due to - you guessed it - painting and it hit.

I cried. And said, "Oh, crap, I'm gonna cry a bunch. And I was doing so well."

Thankfully, I have the best husband in the world. Matt offered to take a personal day (a personal night, in his case) in order to help me paint. So he did. And while I am still feeling very upset and overwhelmed, I am reminded that I have a wonderful husband who is with me every step of the way...As he proved today by painting, even though he hates it.

He must love me.

It's a Girl!

Matt and I were blessed to get a little look at our little one last week!

We were thrilled to find out that everything is looking great and that our little one is a little girl!

That little foot makes my heart melt.

Anyway, we have been looking forward to putting together the nursery and preparing for a lot of pink! The clothes...Oh, the clothes...I can't wait!

The (First) Pregnancy Post

I haven’t posted for so long due to having to keep a BIG secret. Now that it’s public knowledge that we have a baby on the way, I can finally share all of the funny things that have taken place over the last few months! I kept writing down the funny things that happened and the conversations that Matt and I would have, but I couldn’t post without our news being obvious. So now I can share!

-More than once in the earliest month or two of pregnancy, I found myself hungry all the time (actually, that’s still generally true). I needed absolutely no prodding to be the first in line at church lunches, and I found myself glaring at those in line ahead of me, especially if I felt they were taking too long. I apologize to anyone who may have noticed my dirty looks.

-An example of my eating habits:

Breakfast: oatmeal, milk, coffee.
Lunch: cous cous with fresh sautéed veggies (zucchini, mushrooms, spinach, tomatoes)
Dinner: whole grain pasta, turkey meatballs
Evening snack: large fry from McDonald’s

-(At first prenatal class)
MATT (laughing): I look to my left and this lady [who is obviously farther along than I am] is quickly flipping through the hospital handouts. I look to my right and you’re reading about the Third Reich.

-LAURRYN: I had a terrifying thought this morning, like, what if we screw this kid up?
MATT: Oh, we will.

-I can go from zero to starving in 60 seconds.

-I want fried stuff. All the time. (This isn’t so much true now, but it really was in the first trimester.)

-Matt and I took a series of prenatal classes at a local hospital during the first trimester, and my favorite class was the hands-on one. We were issued a doll, a diaper, a small shirt, and a small container to serve as a “bath.” Matt suggested we practice bathing, changing, and dressing our “baby” together, but I got to say, “I’m a pro at this, and I do most of this for a living now, so this is all you!” Considering he’s never changed a diaper, he did quite well.

-One day, I opened up a can of diced tomatoes for a salsa mix and I wanted to sit and eat the entire thing.

-What I say: “certified nurse midwife.” What people hear: “I’m having my baby in my bedroom and/or a tub and I will go nowhere near a hospital and a doctor is not allowed anywhere near me.”

-The very best part of one of my Saturdays was when one of my best friends, Caitlin, was in town and we went to Babies R Us. We sat rocking in the gliders for a few minutes and I thought I would never, ever get up if I could help it.

-I swore that I would never be a waddler, and then I swore that I was already waddling at 12 weeks.

-I am the stereotype: pickles and ice cream.
LAURRYN: Hm, I want ice cream. Why don’t we have any? Oh, right, because I’d eat half the container in one sitting.
(Then I saw an ad for pickles a few minutes later.)
LAURRYN: Do we have any pickles?
MATT: I’m not sure…Yeah, we probably have some spears.
(I searched in vain. To no avail.)
LAURRYN: You’re a liar.
MATT: Did you check the pantry?
LAURRYN: Yep. So I’ll add it to the grocery list, but I won’t be going shopping for TWO WEEKS!
(Seriously, it felt like the end of the world. And when I finally got pickles, I ate a lot of them. An embarrassing amount.)

-I was already getting belly pats at 13 weeks – this is really happening?!

-Matt watched the movie “Insidious” and the “ghost” in the house was talking through the baby monitor.
MATT: Are you sure you want to have a baby? We’ll have to have the monitor on all the time, thus increasing the likelihood that we’ll discover that the house is haunted. Are you sure that’s a road you want to travel down?!”

To answer a few of the more popular questions we get…

How far along are you? I am 18 ½ weeks along.

What’s your due date? Baby’s due date is May 20^th.

Will you find out what you are having? Assuming all goes well, we find out if baby is a boy or girl on January 4^th (but we’ll be keeping it a secret for a few days).

Do you have names figured out? We haven’t talked about names, but I doubt we’ll make anything public prior to our little one’s arrival.

Will you still watch Gwen? I will still watch my favorite Gwen on weekdays, but I will take a little time off.

How have you been feeling? I have not been sick at all, but I have been hungry. I spend much of the first trimester being exhausted, but I have energy now. Still constantly hungry, though!

We are so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Ridealong

Now, maybe I'm not so modest when I say that I think I'm pretty hardcore for going on a ridealong with my husband. In an actual city. In the bad area of town. During the midnight shift. ON THE NIGHT THE POWER WENT OUT.

All that's true, but I wasn't scared or anything. Matt knows what he's doing, I have shot a gun before, etc. I cruised with Matt on a ten-hour shift and we barely had time to stop and take a bathroom break! (I'm pretty sure I was the only one that needed one, though.)

Anyway, these are some of my thoughts on my very (VERY!) eventful night.

1. Hm, why are kids up so late? Like, these are little kids. Running around. And it's late.

2. Uh, that guy just called my husband a "mofo." I'm feeling defensive...

3. Okay, it's 3:30 in the morning and there are a LOT of people at this gas station. And not many of them are getting gas. You couldn't pay me to get out of bed and hang out at 3:30 am.

4. Oh, this is fun. My husband must love getting to pat down a bunch of grown men who act like children. Such fun!

5. We are driving very fast and there are lights going and sirens blaring and my coffee is spilling and burning my leg. Ow, ow, ow. This better be worth it. Ow!

6. My husband doesn't get paid enough to deal with some of this crap.

7. My husband gets paid way too much. Look how much fun he's having!

8. How does he do this without coffee?!?!

Anyway, I had a good time and I got to wear a bulletproof vest. And I looked silly in it. Most importantly, I got to watch my husband do what he loves, and he's good at it. I came home with a new respect for him and what he goes through every night.

And then I passed out from sheer exhaustion.

Summer Goals

Once I settled into life post-grad school, I came up with a list of goals I wanted to accomplish by the end of the summer ("end of the summer" = end of August).

1. Finish 75% of summer reading list - I'm proud to say that I read about 7,500 pages! I still have books to read (remaining on the list, plus a bunch that we own that I want to read before we start having kids, plus a big long list of books I'll need to buy or borrow).

2. Make 30 new meals - I made 20 new meals, plus some yummy new desserts! And I think we liked everything I made.

3. Read through the New Testament - I made myself a schedule and read a few chapters each day, and I'm proud to say that this is one goal that I did not skimp on - completely accomplished!

4. Go on a ridealong with Matt - I so did this!!! Look forward to an upcoming post about this.

5. Finish wedding scrapbook - Our wedding scrapbook has sat half-done since we packed everything up and moved from our apartment to this house in February 2010. I hadn't been able to finish the scrapbooking (something about moving and working and finishing grad school!), but I buckled down and got it all done :)

This month, I'm looking forward to getting some projects done around the house. Before the end of the year, I'd like to get these goals accomplished:

1. Finish books from summer reading list.
2. Go through our keepsake boxes.
3. Make card packets (I'll explain later).
4. Reorganize all papers and recipes (new folders and labels! Exciting!).
5. Finish scrapbooks.

How I love lists!

9/11

A decade. It’s hard to believe that it’s been a decade.

Like everyone, I remember where I was on 9/11. It’s the tie that binds so many of us together, the shared confusion and heartache of that day.

On 9/11/2011, I was a sophomore in high school. I was walking into 2^nd period, Mr. Malinsky’s geometry class, when I noticed that the television was on and the class was watching the news.

“What happened?” I asked a classmate.

“A plane flew into the World Trade Center,” he replied.

Even at fifteen, I simply didn’t know what or where the World Trade Center was. My classmate told me that the buildings were in New York City, where I had visited less than a year before. I’m sure that at that point, I had no idea the seriousness of what had happened.

As more planes crashed, rumors flew. One rumor was that a plane was headed to Chicago. My mom had worked in downtown Chicago for years, and that day was no exception. I was anxious to call my mom during my lunch period, which was around 11:00. I used the pay phone in the cafeteria and called my mom’s work number. When she didn’t pick up, I tried to keep it together. I dialed my house number and my mom picked up. I breathed a sigh of relief as she said, “My building was evacuated right away, honey.”

I remember spending much of the afternoon sitting on our living room couch, watching news footage with my parents, who were not yet divorced at the time. I remember hugging my three younger brothers tightly that night.

Tuesday night was youth group night, and that particular Tuesday was no exception. My mom dropped me off and was invited to stay by our youth pastor, who said that many of the church members had gathered to pray together. My mom stated that she wanted to continue watching the news coverage but thanked him for the invitation. I remember that my eyes searched the parking lot for my boyfriend at the time; I was desperate for him to embrace me. As if that would stop the confusion or ease my aching heart.

I don’t remember what I prayed for that night at church. The families who had lost loved ones? The families who didn’t even know that they’d lost loved ones, and wouldn’t for days, some even weeks? Wisdom for our government? Safety for the workers? Shelter and food for those displaced?

As a fifteen-year-old girl, I probably didn’t think about a lot of those things. I was probably more worried about whether the high school would cancel the upcoming homecoming dance or whether the news would delay my favorite shows. This is embarrassing to admit, because it speaks volumes about my character and focus at the time.

But if the attacks happened today, instead of a decade ago, what would I, as a 25-year-old, pray?

I’d pray for hope. Hope for the hurting, hope for the helpless. I’d pray that every need was met and every displaced person would be sheltered and fed. I’d pray for my enemies, I’d pray for the lost, I’d pray for a brighter tomorrow for everyone. I’d pray for strength and peace for the devastated. I’d pray for God to relieve the ache from every burdened soul.

It’s what I should have been praying all along.

And every day.

Another Update on Laurryn's Summer Reading List

I am hoping to finish 75% of my summer reading list by the end of this month. There are still some pretty big books on my shelf, and Matt and I finally got our Sellersburg library cards, so I’ve been a little distracted by some new books, too. Here’s an update of how I’m doing since my last post.

Books I’ve finished:

Anthem (Rand) – This book is practically a pamphlet compared to Rand’s more famous works, such as Atlas Shrugged and The Fountainhead. It’s definitely a quick read, and a little weird (I don’t think the word “I” appears in the book at all, which is part of the story). I did enjoy this one, though.

Banner in the Sky (Ullman) – I thought I would have to force my way through this book, but I found myself craving the moments that Gwen needed to be rocked before napping so that I could read it (I would hold the book in my left hand, hold her in my left arm, pat her with my right hand, and turn pages with my right hand). It’s a very good story!

The Color Purple (Walker) – I knocked this one out pretty quickly. The chapters were often quite short, and I found myself looking for any few minutes to get another chapter read. Such a classic!

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time (Haddon) – I don’t know how to describe this one…It seems that it’s well-known for being a book from the perspective of a boy with autism, and I loved that about it. I feel like I better understand those with autism as a result of reading it.

Decision Points (Bush) – I finished this book and loved it. I have a whole new understanding of and a deeper respect for President Bush. I always liked him, but I like him even more now. I’ve already lent it out.

Do the Right Thing (Huckabee) – I finished this one on our recent trip to Florida. I did enjoy it, so much so that I grabbed his newest book, A Simple Government, on my most recent library trip.

Financial Peace Revisited (Ramsey) – I knocked this one out pretty quickly, mainly because it’s an easy read and didn’t contain anything I didn’t know. On a trip to Cincinnati earlier this year, Matt and I listened to the Financial Peace University cds, and the book is basically the same thing.

Kiss Me, Kill Me (Rule) – I didn’t have much left in this book, but I finished it. It makes me ready for another true crime book as soon as possible!

The Phantom Tollbooth (Juster) – This book is SO FUN! The author has so very much imagination! What a great read.

Sarah, Plain and Tall (MacLachlan) – If I read this book as a kid, I forgot. It was a half hour read, but a cute book for little ones.

The Tale of Despereaux (DiCamillo) – This book was okay. I felt like there was a lot of hype that it didn’t live up to for me. It was cute but not amazing.

To Kill a Mockingbird (Lee) – I started this during Gwen’s I-need-to-be-rocked-before-I-nap phase, but she’s moved on from that, so I haven’t been able to read much lately! It’s nice to read another classic.

A Wrinkle in Time (L’Engle) – How enjoyable this book was! I recommend it and really enjoy her work.

The Young Drover (Carter) – I enjoyed this one much more than I thought I would. The chapters were relatively short, so it was easy to get through quickly. A very cool story!

Still reading…

Broke (Beck) – This book is HEA-VY. First, Glenn takes you through our nation’s history with debt and helps you to understand the actions of our government. I’m past the history part and I’m working on Glenn’s suggestions for fixing the problem, but this is serious stuff. One of the toughest things about this book is how different it is from all of Glenn’s other books – it’s not as funny (because, truly, the subject matter isn’t funny). It’s good to read, though, just scary. I have to read a bit at a time.

Everyman’s Talmud (Cohen) – I have not picked this up since my last post. Whoops.

Mein Kampf (Hitler) – This book is so, so dull. I have never read a more terrible book. In fact, I had to deal with how much I hated it by resigning myself to putting it down entirely. Now it’s sitting at my bedside, waiting to be picked up on a night that I simply can’t fall asleep.

The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich (Shirer) – I am really enjoying this book; the writing is great. It’s not easy to pick it up and read a quick chapter, though!

Recently, I also read American Wife (Sittenfeld). This is a fiction book based loosely (very loosely) on Laura Bush’s story. Even though I already know Laura Bush’s story, I couldn’t help but spend nearly every spare moment with my face in this book. I enjoyed it, but it’s a one-time read. The truth of the matter is, the book seems pretty improbable to me, but it’s interesting how the author chose to connect the dots of Laura Bush’s life and make some crazy (crazy unlikely) connections.

I also finished Cinderella Ate My Daughter (Orenstein) and it was too funny! A friend from my last practicum recommended it and I just love it. The author talks about the present girlie-girl culture and its effect on the daughters in America. She discusses Disney princesses, pageant parents, makeup and clothing habits of kids, and tons of other stuff. I could hardly put it down!

I mentioned earlier that I grabbed Huckabee's A Simple Government at the library, and it was good. I'm so disappointed that he won't be running for President.

I also grabbed Donald Rumsfeld’s Known and Unknown (which is quite a chunk) from the library, and I’m loving it so far.

I also added The Illustrated History of the Third Reich to go through along with the other history books. A friend lent me two books about children surviving the Holocaust, so I’m working through those, as well.

Still to start…

Inside the Third Reich (Speer)
The Nazi Doctors (Lifton)
Tender Victory (Caldwell)
The Original Argument (Beck) – This wasn’t on my original list, but I couldn’t help but pick it up. I’ll start it when I finish Broke.

So the plan is to finish everything but the Holocaust-related books by the end of this month (although I'll certainly work on the Holocaust-related books if I finish early). In September, I'll study for my CSW (Certified Social Worker) exam, and then I'll do my best to finish the Holocaust-related books in October (six books). My goal is to have started (re)reading the Harry Potter books starting in November. Oh, and a friend lent me the Watchmen comic book, so I'm looking VERY forward to getting into that, too!

So there you have it! A long, boring post about my summer reading list. My other summer goals are to make 30 new meals, read through the New Testament, and go on a ridealong with Matt. All this by the end of the month!