You know blogging has taken a backseat in your life when you have two posts between birth stories! Whoops. There are so few things that need a whole blog post, I guess. Since this is a birth story, I feel like you may not need a TMI warning - it's a BIRTH STORY.
Baby #4 was due on August 8th. Due to that being Aynsley's first day of school, I was feeling a little anxious about timing. I was hoping for baby to be early (which would be typical) or late (which was only the case with Aynsley).
On Monday, July 30th, I had a really strange morning. I had been having some contractions, but none of the contractions were major. Then I had one long, painful one that required a rest on the couch. Thankfully, Matt was home, because I couldn't move. It was really unusual. I already had an appointment scheduled for that afternoon, so I asked a friend if he could come over during naptime to stay with the kids so that Matt could take me. I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to drive at this point. I packed up my hospital bag, but I was feeling much better by the time of the appointment. Due to feeling so unusual, I decided to have an exam in the office. This was the first time I'd ever been checked in the office!
My midwife confirmed that I was 3-4 centimeters and about 70% effaced but I wasn't, in her words, "labor-y". Contractions were consistent but mild at this point. I figured things would progress and we'd be back that night. We went home, had dinner with the kids, and went out for ice cream. Then nothing happened! I woke up on Tuesday, still pregnant. The same for the rest of the week. As it got closer to the weekend, I was hoping to make it through a Saturday night service at a local church that was hosting a special speaker. I also had to clean at my church following an event, so I was hoping I might be in the hospital after that on Saturday night or Sunday morning (which would mean going home in time for Aynsley's first day of first grade!).
My Saturday night of laughing and crying through a wonderful service, followed by cleaning (scrubbing toilets, cleaning counters, vacuuming, sweeping, and mopping) did nothing. Sunday was another normal day!
Monday morning was another story. Contractions were starting to feel a little more intense, though I could still take care of chores and the kids and such. Matt decided to take the day off, so I called into my midwife's office and explained my situation. I said I'd been in a week earlier (and stated what my midwife had told me about my progress) and that I was hoping I might be able to come in for a quick exam if they could squeeze me in. They had an opening within about twenty minutes, but the sweet receptionist told me to get there whenever I could and they'd fit me in. I quickly got dressed, packed my hospital bag again (but left it at home this time), and went in.
Upon getting my weight and blood pressure checked, the nurse encouraged me because she knew I was hoping to have the baby before my oldest started school. I said that I'd miss her first day if I had the baby that day, but she said I could go home after 24 hours. This was brand-new information for me! I felt a little better about this possibility.
During my exam, my midwife confirmed that I was between 5 and 6 centimeters. She stated that the baby's positioning felt like she might be facing up, which might be why things were progressing so slowly. She said that she could give me some exercises that might help her to flip over, but that things usually progressed really quickly after that. She also suggested that I could go to the hospital and get my water broken. I knew that would do the trick, as Eliana made her appearance about twelve minutes after my water broke. There was another midwife at the hospital and room for me, so I left. I had left my phone in the car, so I couldn't text anyone until I went and retrieved my phone. It was about 9:30am.
The hospital and my practice share a parking lot, so I just had to walk downstairs and across the lot. Before I went in, I called Matt, a friend I knew was home, and my mom. I got to where I needed to go inside the hospital (strange, because I usually come in at night, in the ER, and they wheelchair me to labor and delivery). One woman in the elevator asked if I was coming to visit a friend and I said, "No, I'm coming to have a baby." It was a very different experience from my other three!
The nurse got me into a room and brought me a gown and everything. I changed and drank as much water as I could once she left. For awhile, they left me alone. I just sat on the bed and read a book between contractions, which I was able to easily relax through at this point. Matt showed up and the midwife helped us with some exercises to (hopefully) help the baby to flip over. I also used a birthing ball and did my typical Bradley side-lying position that is most comfortable (for me) for labor.
By this point, I'd already been laboring at the hospital longer than with any other kid! This was not what I was expecting with baby #4. In fact, at one point, it felt so silly that I asked Matt if we should just go home. "This feels stupid!" I said. I knew, though, that once things got moving, it would be no time at all for baby to arrive.
My midwife came to check me around 1:00pm and said she was comfortable with breaking my water. She did so at 1:07. That really did the trick, but I lost my concentration right away. I had two pushing contractions that did nothing (in my opinion) - I could feel the baby sliding back up and I was incredibly frustrated. Despite how in control I'd felt through the rest of the labor, I felt like (and voiced that) I couldn't have the baby. I was pretty much crying and holding Matt's hands and trying to disappear into the hospital bed. When another contraction came, I pushed way past the point of comfort (sorry, Bradley method) and there was a baby! It was 1:34pm.
Thought this birth required more stitches than my other VBACs, I didn't need any medication during recovery (the cramps during nursing weren't as bad as with Eliana, which was probably the recovery that required the most medication but required no stitches).
So Sofia Evelyn weighed 7 pounds and 15 ounces - so close to 8 pounds! She was 20.5 inches long and resembled Eliana at first (in my opinion). Now, she definitely looks like her big brother (and I see baby Aynsley when she's awake). She is adored by all family members (the kids are always fighting over who gets to be closest to her), but we have had some meltdowns and tantrums that I think are due to the changes in our family. Due to the changes in newborn protocols, we had the chance to go home after 24 hours. The nurse explained to me that I'd have to convince my pediatrician and they usually still wanted to see baby after 48 hours, but she said I had a good chance at that because it was my fourth child and baby and I had no risk factors. Our pediatrician usually requires seeing us the day after we go home from the hospital anyway, so that wasn't unusual for us anyway. We were able to go home on Tuesday night and be there for Aynsley's first day of school.
We really had trouble with picking a name this time. I think our names get more common as we go now, as Eliana is a fairly common name. Anyway, I kept mentioning names to Matt and he wouldn't say anything (which usually means "no"). When I was a little girl, I wanted two daughters named Sophia and Evelyn (so I could have a Sophie and an Evvie - I don't know why, but I've never forgotten about it). So when we lost my stepaunt to cancer in February, I told Matt I wanted our daughter's middle name to be Evelyn in her memory. We usually choose a family member to honor with the middle name, and it was also a name I've always loved. When I mentioned Sophia as a first name at another point, it was the only name that Matt said he liked. Despite it being so popular, we don't actually know any Sophias. I wanted to make it slightly unusual with a different spelling, so Sofia is what we decided on for our littlest love.
Honestly, Sofia is a pretty easy baby. She's not too difficult to figure out and she sleeps pretty well. I'm so grateful for another VBAC, another Bradley method birth, and another little one to add to our family. Thanks to all of those whose love, prayers, support, and encouragement have meant so much to us over the last nine months! And thank you to Jimmy (who watched the kids ON HIS BIRTHDAY during our false alarm), Jess (who watched the kids during labor and delivery), Donna (who watched the kids when Matt was still at the hospital because they hadn't moved me to recovery yet), and my mom (who made my life infinitely easier for the first two weeks of Sofia's life). Thank you for your help in welcoming Sofia into our family!
Sunday, August 26, 2018
Monday, August 14, 2017
Superhero Room for Two
It has been a very long time since I've posted! Life has been very busy with three little ones and a lot has happened in 2017. We had some very serious family situations with extended family members, our police department lost a wonderful officer (who was also a husband and father to two small children), and our church is continuing to undergo many changes. We also enjoyed a beach trip, Matt was promoted to sergeant, and Aynsley started kindergarten! The last six months have been very emotional, mostly for negative reasons. I have been able to enjoy several fun projects around the house, though, so it thrills me to be able to share this superhero room for two!
There were a lot of thoughts and considerations when it came to putting two kids together. We have three bedrooms in our home, and we knew we'd put kids' bedrooms together eventually (we never had any problem with that). The dynamics, the personalities...There's the tough part. All three of the kids are fairly good sleepers, with Aynsley being the one who will sleep through just about anything. Originally, we were going to put the girls together. Occasionally, though, I was still getting up with Eliana and I didn't want that to impact Aynsley's sleep as she started school. Also, Eliana will typically sleep later than her siblings and I didn't want to take the chance that she'd wake up when I would wake Aynsley for school. So I ultimately decided that Eliana would be moved into the room we use for guests and the big kids would share a room.
So we ended up switching what has typically been the nursery (all three kids have slept in the crib in this room as infants) and the big kid room. While I was planning to move furniture and touch up paint, Matt and I decided that I would take the time to repaint, as we intend to put our house on the market at some point in the next few years. I decided on a light gray that I love. We also purchased new beds and bedding for Aynsley and Gavriel. I ordered beds from Walmart (they can be twin beds or can be stackable to make bunk beds) and bedding from Target. Eliana didn't need anything new, but I'm loving how her room is coming together. More on that later!
I, for some reason, love having decorations on the kids' doors. At the girls' rainbow birthday party in May, the kids all made this little craft. I may eventually replace it with something else, but it looks great right now!
Here is what you see when you first open the door to Aynsley and Gavriel's room. I love the brightness!
We initially opted for a bright superhero room for a couple of reasons. Aynsley has been mildly obsessed with rainbows for a couple of months now and I love bright colors. We ALL love superheroes and we have plenty of toys (and clothes!) to prove it. For Aynsley's superhero birthday party in 2015, I made four of the buildings that you see as a photo booth backdrop. I couldn't bear to get rid of them after the party, so I put them in the nursery closet. I already had red, yellow, green, and blue; I purchased black posterboard and used colored cardstock that I had on hand to create an orange building and a purple building to finish off the rainbow. The kids each chose three building colors for the wall next to their beds.
Sidenote: This room is rarely used for anything but sleep, so the curtain is nearly always closed. I tried to allow more light in for these photos, so I just tucked the curtain behind Gavriel's bedpost.
The curtain is very busy, but it was the best option at Joann. I loved the brightness and the variety of superheroes on it. I may eventually make something different, but I'm happy with it for now!
There were a lot of thoughts and considerations when it came to putting two kids together. We have three bedrooms in our home, and we knew we'd put kids' bedrooms together eventually (we never had any problem with that). The dynamics, the personalities...There's the tough part. All three of the kids are fairly good sleepers, with Aynsley being the one who will sleep through just about anything. Originally, we were going to put the girls together. Occasionally, though, I was still getting up with Eliana and I didn't want that to impact Aynsley's sleep as she started school. Also, Eliana will typically sleep later than her siblings and I didn't want to take the chance that she'd wake up when I would wake Aynsley for school. So I ultimately decided that Eliana would be moved into the room we use for guests and the big kids would share a room.
So we ended up switching what has typically been the nursery (all three kids have slept in the crib in this room as infants) and the big kid room. While I was planning to move furniture and touch up paint, Matt and I decided that I would take the time to repaint, as we intend to put our house on the market at some point in the next few years. I decided on a light gray that I love. We also purchased new beds and bedding for Aynsley and Gavriel. I ordered beds from Walmart (they can be twin beds or can be stackable to make bunk beds) and bedding from Target. Eliana didn't need anything new, but I'm loving how her room is coming together. More on that later!
I, for some reason, love having decorations on the kids' doors. At the girls' rainbow birthday party in May, the kids all made this little craft. I may eventually replace it with something else, but it looks great right now!
Here is what you see when you first open the door to Aynsley and Gavriel's room. I love the brightness!
We initially opted for a bright superhero room for a couple of reasons. Aynsley has been mildly obsessed with rainbows for a couple of months now and I love bright colors. We ALL love superheroes and we have plenty of toys (and clothes!) to prove it. For Aynsley's superhero birthday party in 2015, I made four of the buildings that you see as a photo booth backdrop. I couldn't bear to get rid of them after the party, so I put them in the nursery closet. I already had red, yellow, green, and blue; I purchased black posterboard and used colored cardstock that I had on hand to create an orange building and a purple building to finish off the rainbow. The kids each chose three building colors for the wall next to their beds.
Sidenote: This room is rarely used for anything but sleep, so the curtain is nearly always closed. I tried to allow more light in for these photos, so I just tucked the curtain behind Gavriel's bedpost.
The tassel banners were leftover from the girls' birthday party (they took forever to make, but they look so good!), and I cut tags and letters on my Cricut to personalize two for the kids. My mom and I found the amazing signs at Kirkland's - they were just what I was looking for to hold a few pieces of artwork. You can see that Aynsley likes to draw and color a little more than Gavriel does!
I cut the superheroes with the Cricut and put them together over a few days. There were a LOT of small pieces with these, but they turned out great. The kids chose which ones they wanted by their buildings, and I even made a little string "web" for Spider-Man. I found some of the images from a fantastic blog (KraftyNook) and I purchased some from Cricut.
I mentioned that the bedding was from Target; the quilts are reversible (just two different shades of blue and red). We chose superhero sheets - Captain America and Wonder Woman. The kids chose fabric from Joann and I made them each a pillowcase for a square pillow (but I definitely saw rainbow Wonder Woman material after I had finished this project, so I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about making a new pillowcase for Aynsley).
This is right next to the door. The Cricut cut the file in the frame (Even superheroes need sleep) and I used a small star punch for the stars. I had the hooks from a past project and the capes are frequently used around here.
One of my favorite things about this room is the dress-up area in the huge closet.
This closet is big, so big. I am still working on finding better storage for the things that were in it before we moved the kids in (this was the closet of all-the-baby-things-and-all-the-past-and-future-clothes), but I got everything out for this project so the kids have plenty of space to play in there now (and it will stay that way!). This rack is low enough that the girls can typically grab things, and there's a stool in case it's needed. This is a favorite area in our house!
So there you have it! It was a very fun project. Now I'm working on Eliana's room and you can see that I can't give up on the tassel banner, despite how long it takes to make each tassel...
There's a little sneak peek of that room. More to come later!
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
2016 Reading List Accomplished!
I wrote about my 2016 Reading List progress here and, now that 2016 is over, I can finally share that I accomplished my goal! I finished the last book of the challenge on New Year's Eve, so I was working on it up until the very end.
A book published this year - My niece got me addicted to Cassandra Clare, so I opted for her latest book, Lady Midnight. I enjoyed it, though not as much as I've enjoyed her other books.
A book that you can finish in a day - I opted for one of the books I thought I might read, Stuart Little. It was fun to read a children's book for this one (and somewhat necessary).
A book you've been meaning to read - I had written down Deep and Wide due to several pastors recommending it and the changes our church has been going through over the last year. When our church did a summer reading program to help with our focus on outreach, this was the second book on the list. I really loved it!
A book recommended by your local librarian or bookseller - I had already read the book at the time of my progress report, so I read Frog: A Novel by Mo Yan for this part of the challenge. It was incredibly moving and kept me interested. It was a WORLD Magazine recommendation and I've found that all of their recommendations that I've taken have been wonderful!
A book you should have read in school - I picked up The Scarlet Letter (and the corresponding book of Cliffs Notes). I enjoyed this one well enough, but it wasn't my favorite. I am glad to have crossed it off the list; I've owned it for years!
A book chosen for you by your spouse, partner, sibling, child, or BFF - There's kind of a long story on this one. I opted to read Poe around Halloween, who is one of Matt's favorite writers. We own two Poe books (both contain selections from Poe's work). I wanted to read the Complete Stories and Poems of Edgar Allan Poe, but the book was not holding my interest after his mystery and horror stories. My sister-in-law (a lit major and fellow book-lover) said I didn't have to finish the book, so I didn't. I DID look through the two Poe books we had, wrote down the stories I hadn't read, and finished the stories and also the poems. So I found out that I love Poe's mystery and horror stories (and I don't mind his poems too much), but everything else is kind of terrible (in my opinion).
A book published before you were born - A friend from Bible study mentioned Elisabeth Elliot's Discipline: The Glad Surrender and so I requested it from the library. It was absolutely full of greatness and did not disappoint.
A book that was banned at some point - I was thinking The Catcher in the Rye for this one, and I read it quickly. I don't think I hated it quite as much as I did in school.
A book you previously abandoned - I addressed this one on my progress post and I'd read it again - I really enjoyed it eventually. The book was Bloodroot.
A book you own but have never read - The Problem of Pain is a work of C.S. Lewis. Most everything I have read of his is fantastic, and this one involved a lot of my attention. It's not a big book, and I'd recommend it, but it's not an easy read.
A book that intimidates you - The Hunchback of Notre Dame was my pick for a book I own but have never read, but once I got into it, I realized it fit this category a bit better (these two categories are interchangeable, as I owned both books but hadn't read them and also felt intimidated by both of them). I had hoped to, but I did not finish it in French. I didn't love it in English, but I did finish it. Wow, it's different from the Disney movie. I know a lot of stories don't match up to their Disney films, but this one was really out there.
A book that you've already read at least once - This was kind of a cop-out. I reread Husband-Coached Childbirth in anticipation of Ellie's birth, so it fit the bill. I'll probably read it again before baby #4!
In addition to these books, I read six or so other books in 2016 that didn't fit into any of these categories.
Now onto the 2017 challenge! I find myself excited to make myself some new lists. Here is the challenge for this year - it's actually two challenges! I am planning to do both lists with a little flexibility. I'm thinking that there will be some books that will cover categories in each list, like I may read Anna Karenina (as a book I've already read AND a book that has more than 600 pages). I'm looking forward to a lot of reading (as usual!) in 2017!
A book published this year - My niece got me addicted to Cassandra Clare, so I opted for her latest book, Lady Midnight. I enjoyed it, though not as much as I've enjoyed her other books.
A book that you can finish in a day - I opted for one of the books I thought I might read, Stuart Little. It was fun to read a children's book for this one (and somewhat necessary).
A book you've been meaning to read - I had written down Deep and Wide due to several pastors recommending it and the changes our church has been going through over the last year. When our church did a summer reading program to help with our focus on outreach, this was the second book on the list. I really loved it!
A book recommended by your local librarian or bookseller - I had already read the book at the time of my progress report, so I read Frog: A Novel by Mo Yan for this part of the challenge. It was incredibly moving and kept me interested. It was a WORLD Magazine recommendation and I've found that all of their recommendations that I've taken have been wonderful!
A book you should have read in school - I picked up The Scarlet Letter (and the corresponding book of Cliffs Notes). I enjoyed this one well enough, but it wasn't my favorite. I am glad to have crossed it off the list; I've owned it for years!
A book chosen for you by your spouse, partner, sibling, child, or BFF - There's kind of a long story on this one. I opted to read Poe around Halloween, who is one of Matt's favorite writers. We own two Poe books (both contain selections from Poe's work). I wanted to read the Complete Stories and Poems of Edgar Allan Poe, but the book was not holding my interest after his mystery and horror stories. My sister-in-law (a lit major and fellow book-lover) said I didn't have to finish the book, so I didn't. I DID look through the two Poe books we had, wrote down the stories I hadn't read, and finished the stories and also the poems. So I found out that I love Poe's mystery and horror stories (and I don't mind his poems too much), but everything else is kind of terrible (in my opinion).
A book published before you were born - A friend from Bible study mentioned Elisabeth Elliot's Discipline: The Glad Surrender and so I requested it from the library. It was absolutely full of greatness and did not disappoint.
A book that was banned at some point - I was thinking The Catcher in the Rye for this one, and I read it quickly. I don't think I hated it quite as much as I did in school.
A book you previously abandoned - I addressed this one on my progress post and I'd read it again - I really enjoyed it eventually. The book was Bloodroot.
A book you own but have never read - The Problem of Pain is a work of C.S. Lewis. Most everything I have read of his is fantastic, and this one involved a lot of my attention. It's not a big book, and I'd recommend it, but it's not an easy read.
A book that intimidates you - The Hunchback of Notre Dame was my pick for a book I own but have never read, but once I got into it, I realized it fit this category a bit better (these two categories are interchangeable, as I owned both books but hadn't read them and also felt intimidated by both of them). I had hoped to, but I did not finish it in French. I didn't love it in English, but I did finish it. Wow, it's different from the Disney movie. I know a lot of stories don't match up to their Disney films, but this one was really out there.
A book that you've already read at least once - This was kind of a cop-out. I reread Husband-Coached Childbirth in anticipation of Ellie's birth, so it fit the bill. I'll probably read it again before baby #4!
In addition to these books, I read six or so other books in 2016 that didn't fit into any of these categories.
Now onto the 2017 challenge! I find myself excited to make myself some new lists. Here is the challenge for this year - it's actually two challenges! I am planning to do both lists with a little flexibility. I'm thinking that there will be some books that will cover categories in each list, like I may read Anna Karenina (as a book I've already read AND a book that has more than 600 pages). I'm looking forward to a lot of reading (as usual!) in 2017!
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
Eliana's Birth Story
Eliana Katherine McDaniel has officially arrived! I know how excited I get to hear people's birth stories, so I thought I would share for those who are interested.
You might recall that Matt and I invested in Bradley classes and that they were very successful in labor for Aynsley and labor and delivery for Gavriel.
The night of Wednesday, June 1st and into Thursday, June 2nd was a fairly sleepless one for me. I had been having mild contractions about hourly - just enough to wake me up and then I'd fall back asleep. Gavriel had also fussed fairly loudly in the middle of the night (rare for him, and even more rare for Aynsley to get up - which she did!). So I settled the kids and got back in bed, but I was awake several more times before my alarm went off. Even at the end of pregnancy, I tend to sleep very well, so this was unusual.
I had plenty of contractions on Thursday, but none of them kept me from being up and about (for the most part). The four kids and I spent the day together, and I got some cleaning done. I had planned to mop the floor, but I kept putting it off until little hands were done getting crumbs all over the floor for the day. I had also intended to give the kitchen one last quick cleaning - counter scrub, cleaning the fronts of the appliances, cleaning the sticky table and chairs, etc. When Matt got home from work, I was sitting at the kitchen table between cleaning tasks. I'd get one task done and sit down for a few minutes, then repeat with another task. Dinner was warm on the stove, and I was also getting things together so that we could go to Aldi for a quick grocery shopping trip. We ate dinner and we were off.
On the way to Aldi, I had a couple of contractions that were a little more intense, but still nothing that was difficult to talk through at all. I was telling myself that once we were home, with groceries put away and kids in bed (and after I'd mopped!), the contractions would stop.
I rushed through my Aldi list, feeling a little unsettled because I just wanted to get home. My mom called as we were bagging our items, and I spoke to her for a few minutes. I told her that I had an appointment scheduled with my midwife for Friday morning, and that I was pretty sure that I was going to get checked (for the first time, for any pregnancy, in the office!). My mom and I were both hoping I'd make it to the weekend, though.
We got home and started putting the groceries away. I had to sit down again between tasks, and I told Matt that there was a lot going on (which he knew and he had already guessed we'd be at the hospital that night). As I sat at the kitchen table with bags of groceries still to be put away, with two kids still awake, with that kitchen floor unmopped, I started crying. Matt reassured me, and he continued to do that (and sent the kids to give me hugs and tell me they loved me after they'd brushed their teeth with him, while I was packing my bag a little bit later).
Matt and I (mostly Matt) got everything put away and we went upstairs to put the kids to bed. While we were upstairs, I packed the last few things in my hospital bag and set it (along with the ready-to-go diaper bag) at the top of the stairs. Matt asked about laboring at home for a bit, and I told him that I just didn't want to come all the way back up the stairs for the bags so I was getting them now. Matt was timing my contractions by this point, but they were still feeling pretty mild. I was in the middle of reading Aynsley a story when I had one, so I told Matt that one was starting, continued reading the story, and then let him know when the contraction was done.
As I gave Aynsley a kiss and sang to Gavriel, I definitely had tears in my eyes. I was feeling scared, nervous, anxious, excited.
Once I got downstairs, I tried to keep doing things so that I could be done with my list and relax. It wasn't long after this that Matt called a close friend to come and stay with the kids until my mother-in-law could be at the house (I guess he could tell that there wasn't going to be much more labor to take place at home). I called the answering service for my midwives and was told someone would call me back. The midwife on call, Nicole, was already at the hospital for another delivery. She sounded so excited on the phone, I couldn't help but calm down (partly relieved because she was so excited and partly relieved because she was already there if it ended up being false labor). Our friend arrived and I was trying to load the dishwasher so that I could set it before we left. Matt kept trying to stop me from doing things that weren't a priority, but he wasn't ready to go and I couldn't just sit there! I was still able to walk and talk through my contractions, but I was moving a little more slowly during them.
We left for the hospital at about 9:30. At this point, I think my contractions were 2-6 minutes apart (usually about 4 minutes) and about 30 seconds long. I was still in a pretty good mood at this point.
We always get to the hospital after hours - the main doors are closed and we have to enter through the emergency room. I gave a smile to the receptionist and she pointed me to registration. I told the staff member that we were there to have a baby and she asked if I was being induced. "No, I'm in labor...Do people really get induced in the middle of the night?" Registration didn't take very long, and soon someone had arrived with a wheelchair for me.
When I was taken back, they gave me a gown and asked a few questions - had I had any bleeding, had my water broken, etc. (the answer was negative on both). I changed into the gown and waited for someone to come check me. The nurse came and set up the fetal monitor on my belly. Soon after, my midwife, Nicole, came in and checked me. She told me I was at 7 with a bulging bag of water and asked if I wanted to get into the tub. My thoughts...7?! I've never gotten here at less than a nine and been told not to push. If I was at 7, how long was this going to take?! I had heard the tub helped greatly during contractions, so I confirmed I'd love a room with a tub. A new nurse came in and asked some questions. She mentioned that she was about to check me, and I told her that Nicole had just done so (they had just missed each other as they switched between laboring mothers). I told her that Nicole had said I was at 7 with a bulging bag of water and the nurse said, "Well, I must say, you are remarkably well-composed for being at 7 with a bulging bag of water." It was strange to feel so good at this point, and I was trying not to be disheartened by not being ready to push yet.
I was put in my labor and delivery room and the nurse started to run the water for the tub. She let me know that she'd have to put an IV port in and she started to get things together. I had an intense contraction on the bed and then my water broke (which I announced). "I feel like I should push," I told (probably shouted to) the nurse. She checked me and confirmed what I had thought. There was a ton of activity as more nurses came in and I overheard one nurse saying, "Get Nicole!"
Thank goodness for my husband and for the amazing labor and delivery staff. The next few minutes weren't easy, but the encouragement I received was a huge help. 12 minutes after my water broke, at 10:56, Eliana Katherine was born.
She was 7 pounds and 4 ounces (my heaviest baby so far) and 21.5 inches long - tied with Aynsley for length (Gavriel was shorter). Since then, she's been nursing like a champ. Sometimes I think she looks like Aynsley, sometimes Gavriel, and sometimes just herself. Her brother and sister adore her and I'm truly so happy to have this little bundle of joy in our family.
Her name is pronounced El-ee-ah-na and Eliana means "my God has answered me." This is a name I've loved but, after finding out the meaning, it meant even more to me. God has truly answered my prayers with the addition of this precious baby girl to our family. Her middle name, Katherine, is meant to honor Matt's grandmother, who died in March of 2013, just a few months before Aynsley turned one. It's so special to me that both of our girls carry on the names of our grandmothers.
So there you have it. Every labor and delivery has been shorter and easier and I'm almost scared that I'll need to get a hotel room near the hospital during those last few weeks of pregnancy next time! Thank you for your prayers and congratulations. We are so blessed!
You might recall that Matt and I invested in Bradley classes and that they were very successful in labor for Aynsley and labor and delivery for Gavriel.
The night of Wednesday, June 1st and into Thursday, June 2nd was a fairly sleepless one for me. I had been having mild contractions about hourly - just enough to wake me up and then I'd fall back asleep. Gavriel had also fussed fairly loudly in the middle of the night (rare for him, and even more rare for Aynsley to get up - which she did!). So I settled the kids and got back in bed, but I was awake several more times before my alarm went off. Even at the end of pregnancy, I tend to sleep very well, so this was unusual.
I had plenty of contractions on Thursday, but none of them kept me from being up and about (for the most part). The four kids and I spent the day together, and I got some cleaning done. I had planned to mop the floor, but I kept putting it off until little hands were done getting crumbs all over the floor for the day. I had also intended to give the kitchen one last quick cleaning - counter scrub, cleaning the fronts of the appliances, cleaning the sticky table and chairs, etc. When Matt got home from work, I was sitting at the kitchen table between cleaning tasks. I'd get one task done and sit down for a few minutes, then repeat with another task. Dinner was warm on the stove, and I was also getting things together so that we could go to Aldi for a quick grocery shopping trip. We ate dinner and we were off.
On the way to Aldi, I had a couple of contractions that were a little more intense, but still nothing that was difficult to talk through at all. I was telling myself that once we were home, with groceries put away and kids in bed (and after I'd mopped!), the contractions would stop.
I rushed through my Aldi list, feeling a little unsettled because I just wanted to get home. My mom called as we were bagging our items, and I spoke to her for a few minutes. I told her that I had an appointment scheduled with my midwife for Friday morning, and that I was pretty sure that I was going to get checked (for the first time, for any pregnancy, in the office!). My mom and I were both hoping I'd make it to the weekend, though.
We got home and started putting the groceries away. I had to sit down again between tasks, and I told Matt that there was a lot going on (which he knew and he had already guessed we'd be at the hospital that night). As I sat at the kitchen table with bags of groceries still to be put away, with two kids still awake, with that kitchen floor unmopped, I started crying. Matt reassured me, and he continued to do that (and sent the kids to give me hugs and tell me they loved me after they'd brushed their teeth with him, while I was packing my bag a little bit later).
Matt and I (mostly Matt) got everything put away and we went upstairs to put the kids to bed. While we were upstairs, I packed the last few things in my hospital bag and set it (along with the ready-to-go diaper bag) at the top of the stairs. Matt asked about laboring at home for a bit, and I told him that I just didn't want to come all the way back up the stairs for the bags so I was getting them now. Matt was timing my contractions by this point, but they were still feeling pretty mild. I was in the middle of reading Aynsley a story when I had one, so I told Matt that one was starting, continued reading the story, and then let him know when the contraction was done.
As I gave Aynsley a kiss and sang to Gavriel, I definitely had tears in my eyes. I was feeling scared, nervous, anxious, excited.
Once I got downstairs, I tried to keep doing things so that I could be done with my list and relax. It wasn't long after this that Matt called a close friend to come and stay with the kids until my mother-in-law could be at the house (I guess he could tell that there wasn't going to be much more labor to take place at home). I called the answering service for my midwives and was told someone would call me back. The midwife on call, Nicole, was already at the hospital for another delivery. She sounded so excited on the phone, I couldn't help but calm down (partly relieved because she was so excited and partly relieved because she was already there if it ended up being false labor). Our friend arrived and I was trying to load the dishwasher so that I could set it before we left. Matt kept trying to stop me from doing things that weren't a priority, but he wasn't ready to go and I couldn't just sit there! I was still able to walk and talk through my contractions, but I was moving a little more slowly during them.
We left for the hospital at about 9:30. At this point, I think my contractions were 2-6 minutes apart (usually about 4 minutes) and about 30 seconds long. I was still in a pretty good mood at this point.
We always get to the hospital after hours - the main doors are closed and we have to enter through the emergency room. I gave a smile to the receptionist and she pointed me to registration. I told the staff member that we were there to have a baby and she asked if I was being induced. "No, I'm in labor...Do people really get induced in the middle of the night?" Registration didn't take very long, and soon someone had arrived with a wheelchair for me.
When I was taken back, they gave me a gown and asked a few questions - had I had any bleeding, had my water broken, etc. (the answer was negative on both). I changed into the gown and waited for someone to come check me. The nurse came and set up the fetal monitor on my belly. Soon after, my midwife, Nicole, came in and checked me. She told me I was at 7 with a bulging bag of water and asked if I wanted to get into the tub. My thoughts...7?! I've never gotten here at less than a nine and been told not to push. If I was at 7, how long was this going to take?! I had heard the tub helped greatly during contractions, so I confirmed I'd love a room with a tub. A new nurse came in and asked some questions. She mentioned that she was about to check me, and I told her that Nicole had just done so (they had just missed each other as they switched between laboring mothers). I told her that Nicole had said I was at 7 with a bulging bag of water and the nurse said, "Well, I must say, you are remarkably well-composed for being at 7 with a bulging bag of water." It was strange to feel so good at this point, and I was trying not to be disheartened by not being ready to push yet.
I was put in my labor and delivery room and the nurse started to run the water for the tub. She let me know that she'd have to put an IV port in and she started to get things together. I had an intense contraction on the bed and then my water broke (which I announced). "I feel like I should push," I told (probably shouted to) the nurse. She checked me and confirmed what I had thought. There was a ton of activity as more nurses came in and I overheard one nurse saying, "Get Nicole!"
Thank goodness for my husband and for the amazing labor and delivery staff. The next few minutes weren't easy, but the encouragement I received was a huge help. 12 minutes after my water broke, at 10:56, Eliana Katherine was born.
She was 7 pounds and 4 ounces (my heaviest baby so far) and 21.5 inches long - tied with Aynsley for length (Gavriel was shorter). Since then, she's been nursing like a champ. Sometimes I think she looks like Aynsley, sometimes Gavriel, and sometimes just herself. Her brother and sister adore her and I'm truly so happy to have this little bundle of joy in our family.
Her name is pronounced El-ee-ah-na and Eliana means "my God has answered me." This is a name I've loved but, after finding out the meaning, it meant even more to me. God has truly answered my prayers with the addition of this precious baby girl to our family. Her middle name, Katherine, is meant to honor Matt's grandmother, who died in March of 2013, just a few months before Aynsley turned one. It's so special to me that both of our girls carry on the names of our grandmothers.
So there you have it. Every labor and delivery has been shorter and easier and I'm almost scared that I'll need to get a hotel room near the hospital during those last few weeks of pregnancy next time! Thank you for your prayers and congratulations. We are so blessed!
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
June 4th - My (Double) Roller Coaster of Emotion Over Two Pink Lines
I'm due on June 4th, one month from today! I'm still working on a somewhat sizeable to do list, but I'm getting things done and getting excited to meet my little girl.
It didn't occur to me until a few months ago, but being due on June 4th is significant. I had planned on writing a post about it at some point, but I was cleaning out a notebook and found these words I jotted down quickly nearly a year ago (it would have been June 2nd or 3rd of 2015).
"My daughter turned three last week. My son will be 16 months old soon. Earlier this week, I took a pregnancy test and found out baby #3 is to be expected early next year. This wasn't entirely shocking, as my husband and I were planning for this one and I'd had an inkling it was time to take a test.
Yet I find myself feeling unprepared - three kids? I'm not ready. I don't have it all together yet. I still lean on timeouts and deal with tantrums. I still find myself overwhelmed by making dinner some nights. I have a million chances...I thought I would have it together by now.
We want five kids. Most of our friends have one or two kids, but we have some friends with four or five kids. We've always wanted a big family, but I get such mixed reactions when I say that.
As I have more kids, though, I'm finding that I'm worrying more, not less. What if she actually has leukemia and I have no idea? What if he gets into a horrible accident when he's a teenager? I don't lose any sleep over these things, but I'd be lying if I said the worst-case scenario didn't cross my mind occasionally.
It's daring, I think. Bold. Brave. To risk something heartbreaking, to risk a devastating loss. To step into a place of uncertainty, of instability, of the unknown.
Yet the rewards are so beautiful. The smiles, the giggles, hearing "mama" and seeing chubby little hands reaching for me. Having magic kisses that heal little hurts. Watching kids hug, share, love. Hearing the unprovoked "I love you, Mommy."
I may feel like I mess it up a million times a day, but I'm doing better than I think (I think). I need to do the best that I can today and every day."
We had just gotten back from Mexico on a Sunday night (I had been expecting my period on the last day of our trip, Saturday) and I bought a test on Monday night. I was giddy about the positive result. I had two full, blissful days before I started bleeding on the morning of June 4th. I know it was early, but for me it was still that devastating loss. It doesn't compare to what some of my close friends have been through, but it was one of the most heartbreaking things I've been through in my nearly 30 years.
I spent months trying to control every detail of life - months keeping everything in my own hands. I worked so hard to make things happen and nothing did.
When I finally gave up, I realized I really couldn't make anything happen. I couldn't. There were plenty of things in my life that I could do and control and say, but I couldn't make it happen. I just couldn't.
When I got tired of trying to control it, I gave it to God. I acknowledged that it wasn't in my power and I just let go.
Of course, that's when we found out about baby #3.
I can't believe I didn't make the June 4th connection right away, but I didn't (or if I did, I definitely forgot about it). Now I'm preparing to welcome another little bundle of joy into our family and our home and I feel so blessed. God hadn't forgotten about me, but I was sure He had. God had heard my prayers and knew every thought and desire and heartache that I'd ever experienced but I was sure He had no idea.
I still learn so much from these words I wrote before I knew what would happen. I still don't have it all together, but I find myself enjoying the ebbs and flows of parenthood and finding new ways to enjoy the crazy or silly. After all, for so long, I was so afraid I'd never again feel a little person moving around inside me, never again have the joy of sharing the news of a sibling, never again get to hold my own little newborn baby.
So when I felt funny one evening in September 2015 and noticed I was leaning on the jogging stroller during my run a little more than usual, I was anxious but apprehensive about taking a pregnancy test. I ended up taking it in the Meijer family restroom about two seconds after I bought it. The flush on the toilet scared the kids and they both screamed and I shoved the test back in the box before the two minutes was up. We headed back out to the car, where I got them buckled in and settled into the driver's seat. I took a deep breath and then took a look. My heart probably stopped, but I'm sure I couldn't wipe the grin off my face for the rest of the night. Despite being scared and worried, I was so full of hope.
I have this hope for the many friends I know who have been through similar loss. I hope they aren't afraid to risk it, despite the heartbreak that can certainly occur. I know my loss was early, but it just gave me a small glimpse into what many of my friends have experienced. My heart aches, that ache that you can't even put into words, for that type of sadness.
A friend (who has been through her share of loss and heartbreak and fear and has remained one of the strongest and most faithful and most hopeful people I know) shared this quote with me and it speaks to me for every friend who has felt this kind of grief. That baby is real.
Another friend who went through a miscarriage told of how some were dismissive - something must have been wrong, maybe her body wasn't ready, etc. I'll never forget what she said, because I know that feeling: "But I already loved it."
The grief doesn't go away because of the logical things that may have been wrong. The love is there from the start, despite any of the other emotions.
All that to say that this baby is even more of a blessing because of the pain that I went through last summer. I felt abandoned and alone even though God hadn't left my side - I had simply convinced myself that He had left because I wasn't getting what I wanted when I wanted it. I have appreciated and enjoyed every kick and nudge because I was terrified I would never experience it again. I have carefully folded and gushed over all of the little bitty clothes because I was afraid it would make more sense to sell all of the baby stuff. I have thanked God repeatedly for answering my prayers, the ones spoken so desperately in the midst of my heartbreak.
He delivers. For always.
It didn't occur to me until a few months ago, but being due on June 4th is significant. I had planned on writing a post about it at some point, but I was cleaning out a notebook and found these words I jotted down quickly nearly a year ago (it would have been June 2nd or 3rd of 2015).
"My daughter turned three last week. My son will be 16 months old soon. Earlier this week, I took a pregnancy test and found out baby #3 is to be expected early next year. This wasn't entirely shocking, as my husband and I were planning for this one and I'd had an inkling it was time to take a test.
Yet I find myself feeling unprepared - three kids? I'm not ready. I don't have it all together yet. I still lean on timeouts and deal with tantrums. I still find myself overwhelmed by making dinner some nights. I have a million chances...I thought I would have it together by now.
We want five kids. Most of our friends have one or two kids, but we have some friends with four or five kids. We've always wanted a big family, but I get such mixed reactions when I say that.
As I have more kids, though, I'm finding that I'm worrying more, not less. What if she actually has leukemia and I have no idea? What if he gets into a horrible accident when he's a teenager? I don't lose any sleep over these things, but I'd be lying if I said the worst-case scenario didn't cross my mind occasionally.
It's daring, I think. Bold. Brave. To risk something heartbreaking, to risk a devastating loss. To step into a place of uncertainty, of instability, of the unknown.
Yet the rewards are so beautiful. The smiles, the giggles, hearing "mama" and seeing chubby little hands reaching for me. Having magic kisses that heal little hurts. Watching kids hug, share, love. Hearing the unprovoked "I love you, Mommy."
I may feel like I mess it up a million times a day, but I'm doing better than I think (I think). I need to do the best that I can today and every day."
We had just gotten back from Mexico on a Sunday night (I had been expecting my period on the last day of our trip, Saturday) and I bought a test on Monday night. I was giddy about the positive result. I had two full, blissful days before I started bleeding on the morning of June 4th. I know it was early, but for me it was still that devastating loss. It doesn't compare to what some of my close friends have been through, but it was one of the most heartbreaking things I've been through in my nearly 30 years.
I spent months trying to control every detail of life - months keeping everything in my own hands. I worked so hard to make things happen and nothing did.
When I finally gave up, I realized I really couldn't make anything happen. I couldn't. There were plenty of things in my life that I could do and control and say, but I couldn't make it happen. I just couldn't.
When I got tired of trying to control it, I gave it to God. I acknowledged that it wasn't in my power and I just let go.
Of course, that's when we found out about baby #3.
I can't believe I didn't make the June 4th connection right away, but I didn't (or if I did, I definitely forgot about it). Now I'm preparing to welcome another little bundle of joy into our family and our home and I feel so blessed. God hadn't forgotten about me, but I was sure He had. God had heard my prayers and knew every thought and desire and heartache that I'd ever experienced but I was sure He had no idea.
I still learn so much from these words I wrote before I knew what would happen. I still don't have it all together, but I find myself enjoying the ebbs and flows of parenthood and finding new ways to enjoy the crazy or silly. After all, for so long, I was so afraid I'd never again feel a little person moving around inside me, never again have the joy of sharing the news of a sibling, never again get to hold my own little newborn baby.
So when I felt funny one evening in September 2015 and noticed I was leaning on the jogging stroller during my run a little more than usual, I was anxious but apprehensive about taking a pregnancy test. I ended up taking it in the Meijer family restroom about two seconds after I bought it. The flush on the toilet scared the kids and they both screamed and I shoved the test back in the box before the two minutes was up. We headed back out to the car, where I got them buckled in and settled into the driver's seat. I took a deep breath and then took a look. My heart probably stopped, but I'm sure I couldn't wipe the grin off my face for the rest of the night. Despite being scared and worried, I was so full of hope.
I have this hope for the many friends I know who have been through similar loss. I hope they aren't afraid to risk it, despite the heartbreak that can certainly occur. I know my loss was early, but it just gave me a small glimpse into what many of my friends have experienced. My heart aches, that ache that you can't even put into words, for that type of sadness.
A friend (who has been through her share of loss and heartbreak and fear and has remained one of the strongest and most faithful and most hopeful people I know) shared this quote with me and it speaks to me for every friend who has felt this kind of grief. That baby is real.
The grief doesn't go away because of the logical things that may have been wrong. The love is there from the start, despite any of the other emotions.
All that to say that this baby is even more of a blessing because of the pain that I went through last summer. I felt abandoned and alone even though God hadn't left my side - I had simply convinced myself that He had left because I wasn't getting what I wanted when I wanted it. I have appreciated and enjoyed every kick and nudge because I was terrified I would never experience it again. I have carefully folded and gushed over all of the little bitty clothes because I was afraid it would make more sense to sell all of the baby stuff. I have thanked God repeatedly for answering my prayers, the ones spoken so desperately in the midst of my heartbreak.
He delivers. For always.
Sunday, January 31, 2016
A Random Week in Review
One of my favorite bloggers does a random posts of things that have been happening in her house lately - favorite toys of the kids, how the family schedule has been, favorite recipes. This was a week of Pinterest help in our home! I thought I'd share a few things.
I pulled out Pretty Pretty Princess this week (it had been in Aynsley's closet for years) and the kids had a blast with it. Carter didn't get to play, but the girls (and even Gavriel) had a blast! Does anyone remember having this game as a kid? It was my favorite at one point!
Thanks to this incredibly helpful tutorial, I was able to replace the elastic in three of our cloth diapers this week. Aside from getting the elastic, I had the other tools needed to make it happen. Thanks to this tutorial and my parents for buying me a sewing machine in high school (and for my Intro to Fashion teacher, who taught me most everything I know about sewing).
I've been spending some time with this book, but I think I've only found three names. I'm working with some limitations here, though! Matt and I have talked about looking for a name that starts in second half of the alphabet (since Aynsley, Gavriel, and Laurryn all start with letters in the first half of the alphabet) and a name that has seven letters in it (it turns out that, not by our planning, all four of our names have seven letters). I also like that we each have our own letter, so I'm looking for a seven-letter name (that I love) that starts with N-Z. Ah.
This little bundle of energy takes great naps, but he was up a little early one day this week. He got some snuggles and we took some pictures together before we got the other kids up for the afternoon. He is at such a fun age and we have been loving hearing him talk and talk and talk!
We tried some new slow cooker recipes this week. The slow cooker is one of my very favorite kitchen appliances, and I have definitely been putting it to work lately! I love putting the ingredients in it in the morning and eating whenever we are ready.
We tried out this Slow Cooker Creamy Chicken Noodle Soup one night. Matt isn't a big mushroom fan, so I left those out and added carrots and celery instead. The kids didn't mind it, but Matt and I definitely enjoyed it. I'm planning to make it again this week!
I also made this Crock Pot Cream Cheese Chicken Chile when we had friends over this week. It's a variation of another recipe I frequently make, but the other recipe calls for sour cream, which I don't usually have, and this one calls for cream cheese, which I do usually have. It also called for a Ranch seasoning packet, but I've taken those powdered mixes off my shopping list in recent months (opting for making my own at times). This was a pretty tasty dish with pasta and soda bread. Everyone seemed to enjoy it; I know I did!
Finally, I made this Crockpot Lasagna Soup as well. This wasn't as big of a hit - maybe because I used straight tomato juice instead of V8? I would still consider tweaking it and keeping it on the menu.
Have you tried any good recipes lately? I find myself using many of our old recipes on a cycle that probably gets tiring for my family, so I'm always in the market for new recipes (especially if they involve the slow cooker!).
I pulled out Pretty Pretty Princess this week (it had been in Aynsley's closet for years) and the kids had a blast with it. Carter didn't get to play, but the girls (and even Gavriel) had a blast! Does anyone remember having this game as a kid? It was my favorite at one point!
Thanks to this incredibly helpful tutorial, I was able to replace the elastic in three of our cloth diapers this week. Aside from getting the elastic, I had the other tools needed to make it happen. Thanks to this tutorial and my parents for buying me a sewing machine in high school (and for my Intro to Fashion teacher, who taught me most everything I know about sewing).
I've been spending some time with this book, but I think I've only found three names. I'm working with some limitations here, though! Matt and I have talked about looking for a name that starts in second half of the alphabet (since Aynsley, Gavriel, and Laurryn all start with letters in the first half of the alphabet) and a name that has seven letters in it (it turns out that, not by our planning, all four of our names have seven letters). I also like that we each have our own letter, so I'm looking for a seven-letter name (that I love) that starts with N-Z. Ah.
This little bundle of energy takes great naps, but he was up a little early one day this week. He got some snuggles and we took some pictures together before we got the other kids up for the afternoon. He is at such a fun age and we have been loving hearing him talk and talk and talk!
We tried out this Slow Cooker Creamy Chicken Noodle Soup one night. Matt isn't a big mushroom fan, so I left those out and added carrots and celery instead. The kids didn't mind it, but Matt and I definitely enjoyed it. I'm planning to make it again this week!
I also made this Crock Pot Cream Cheese Chicken Chile when we had friends over this week. It's a variation of another recipe I frequently make, but the other recipe calls for sour cream, which I don't usually have, and this one calls for cream cheese, which I do usually have. It also called for a Ranch seasoning packet, but I've taken those powdered mixes off my shopping list in recent months (opting for making my own at times). This was a pretty tasty dish with pasta and soda bread. Everyone seemed to enjoy it; I know I did!
Finally, I made this Crockpot Lasagna Soup as well. This wasn't as big of a hit - maybe because I used straight tomato juice instead of V8? I would still consider tweaking it and keeping it on the menu.
Have you tried any good recipes lately? I find myself using many of our old recipes on a cycle that probably gets tiring for my family, so I'm always in the market for new recipes (especially if they involve the slow cooker!).
Monday, January 25, 2016
2016 Reading List Progress
After a very successful year of reading, I wasn't sure what sort of goals to make for 2016. I wanted to be realistic, as I'm expecting a baby halfway through the year. I have compiled a huge lifetime reading list, mostly made up of British and American classics, and I'm planning to reread everything I HAVE read if I read it before I graduated from college (I hope that makes sense...). So most of that reading will likely get done when my kids are in college!
Two friends posted this reading challenge on my wall to inspire me in 2016. If I broke it up evenly, it's a book per month. I've already read two books this month, so I'm giving myself some space for June, July, and August! So here's what I'm thinking and what I've accomplished:
A book published this year - I think I'll wait a bit to decide on this one. I have a couple of books I wouldn't mind reading that aren't out yet, but I appreciate any suggestions.
A book that you can finish in a day - It might be Stuart Little or Number the Stars - these are two books on my reading list that I can probably finish quickly, even if it's during marathon nursing sessions in June or July!
A book you've been meaning to read - There are so many of these, and I have some of them here and some that I can get from the library.
A book recommended by your local librarian or bookseller - I cheated on this one. We subscribe to WORLD Magazine and they not only review and recommend books, but they have a "Books of the Year" issue as well. I wrote down several books from that issue, and I settled on Frog: A Novel by Mo Yan for this part of the challenge. I was initially intimidated by the character names (it takes place in China), and I'm sure I got some of the characters mixed up in my head, but the book was incredibly moving and kept me interested. It has to do with China's family planning policy, and it was a very interesting story. You can find World's 2015 Books of the Year (this book was a runner-up) post here.
A book you should have read in school - I think this one will likely be A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. I remember muddling through it freshman year of high school, but it was the kind of muddling you did to get the assignments done. I have always loved to read (a LOT), but I haven't always loved reading what I'm expected to read for assignments. I found that reading Pride and Prejudice when it wasn't dependent on an assignment made it soooo much more bearable (and actually enjoyable!).
A book chosen for you by your spouse, partner, sibling, child, or BFF - This one is still up in the air. I may ask Matt what he suggests, but I may ask a girlfriend.
A book published before you were born - We have plenty of these! I have quite a few classics that I haven't read, so I'll be able to pull one off the shelf. Emma? Northanger Abbey? Anna Karenina? The options are endless (I've actually read Anna Karenina, but it was during or right after high school and I'd like to read it again).
A book that was banned at some point - I'm thinking The Catcher in the Rye for this one. I really, really hated this book when I had to read it in school, and it's already on my list to read again.
A book you previously abandoned - I became very ambitious right before we left for our Thanksgiving week in Branson with the McDaniel family, and I got four books out of the library for the trip. I finished one related to World War II very quickly, then I started the other three to see which ones drew me in the most. I didn't want it to be another one related to World War II, but it ended up being that it happened. I finished that one (eventually) and didn't pick up the other two again for weeks. I started them both again and they are the ones I read so far this year. All that to say, I had previously abandoned Bloodroot. After I finished the first two chapters of this one, it was easy to finish it. It's written in an interesting way (from the perspectives of different characters, who are family members in different generations). There's a sort of mystery related to the plot and it makes you interested to read the last section (you know you'll find out the answer there). It spoke to me as a social worker, as it made me think about the different situations people find themselves in due to family dynamics and learned behavior. I'm glad I powered through on this one.
A book you own but have never read - Like I mentioned, we have plenty of these. And plenty of books we have fit into more than one of these categories! This is where I am now, though. I started The Hunchback of Notre Dame today and I really got ambitious - I'm reading it in French, too. My French is definitely rusty, but it's fun to try and figure it out as I go. I'm reading a few pages in English, followed by a few pages in French. I'm hoping to finish this one by the end of February, but I may find a more realistic goal is the end of March.
A book that intimidates you - I haven't settled on this one yet, but I'm thinking it might be Crime and Punishment or War and Peace. I also love C.S. Lewis, but I started Miracles a few months ago and been terrified to pick it back up. It's just been sitting on my nightstand, untouched, for weeks. I have no idea what he's talking about in it, so it fits the bill in this category.
A book that you've already read at least once - This is another tough one. The first ones that came to mind are Liberal Fascism, What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us, and Atlas Shrugged. I'm still not sure. Decisions, decisions!
Overall, I'm excited about this challenge. Challenging myself to read three books per month in 2015 was easy at times and difficult at times; I'm sure this challenge will hold the same. It's strange to be reading one book at a time (not that it's required for this challenge, but it's what I've been doing), as I usually read two or three books at once.
Are you doing any reading challenges this year? Do you have any suggestions for me?
Two friends posted this reading challenge on my wall to inspire me in 2016. If I broke it up evenly, it's a book per month. I've already read two books this month, so I'm giving myself some space for June, July, and August! So here's what I'm thinking and what I've accomplished:
A book published this year - I think I'll wait a bit to decide on this one. I have a couple of books I wouldn't mind reading that aren't out yet, but I appreciate any suggestions.
A book that you can finish in a day - It might be Stuart Little or Number the Stars - these are two books on my reading list that I can probably finish quickly, even if it's during marathon nursing sessions in June or July!
A book you've been meaning to read - There are so many of these, and I have some of them here and some that I can get from the library.
A book recommended by your local librarian or bookseller - I cheated on this one. We subscribe to WORLD Magazine and they not only review and recommend books, but they have a "Books of the Year" issue as well. I wrote down several books from that issue, and I settled on Frog: A Novel by Mo Yan for this part of the challenge. I was initially intimidated by the character names (it takes place in China), and I'm sure I got some of the characters mixed up in my head, but the book was incredibly moving and kept me interested. It has to do with China's family planning policy, and it was a very interesting story. You can find World's 2015 Books of the Year (this book was a runner-up) post here.
A book you should have read in school - I think this one will likely be A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. I remember muddling through it freshman year of high school, but it was the kind of muddling you did to get the assignments done. I have always loved to read (a LOT), but I haven't always loved reading what I'm expected to read for assignments. I found that reading Pride and Prejudice when it wasn't dependent on an assignment made it soooo much more bearable (and actually enjoyable!).
A book chosen for you by your spouse, partner, sibling, child, or BFF - This one is still up in the air. I may ask Matt what he suggests, but I may ask a girlfriend.
A book published before you were born - We have plenty of these! I have quite a few classics that I haven't read, so I'll be able to pull one off the shelf. Emma? Northanger Abbey? Anna Karenina? The options are endless (I've actually read Anna Karenina, but it was during or right after high school and I'd like to read it again).
A book that was banned at some point - I'm thinking The Catcher in the Rye for this one. I really, really hated this book when I had to read it in school, and it's already on my list to read again.
A book you previously abandoned - I became very ambitious right before we left for our Thanksgiving week in Branson with the McDaniel family, and I got four books out of the library for the trip. I finished one related to World War II very quickly, then I started the other three to see which ones drew me in the most. I didn't want it to be another one related to World War II, but it ended up being that it happened. I finished that one (eventually) and didn't pick up the other two again for weeks. I started them both again and they are the ones I read so far this year. All that to say, I had previously abandoned Bloodroot. After I finished the first two chapters of this one, it was easy to finish it. It's written in an interesting way (from the perspectives of different characters, who are family members in different generations). There's a sort of mystery related to the plot and it makes you interested to read the last section (you know you'll find out the answer there). It spoke to me as a social worker, as it made me think about the different situations people find themselves in due to family dynamics and learned behavior. I'm glad I powered through on this one.
A book you own but have never read - Like I mentioned, we have plenty of these. And plenty of books we have fit into more than one of these categories! This is where I am now, though. I started The Hunchback of Notre Dame today and I really got ambitious - I'm reading it in French, too. My French is definitely rusty, but it's fun to try and figure it out as I go. I'm reading a few pages in English, followed by a few pages in French. I'm hoping to finish this one by the end of February, but I may find a more realistic goal is the end of March.
A book that intimidates you - I haven't settled on this one yet, but I'm thinking it might be Crime and Punishment or War and Peace. I also love C.S. Lewis, but I started Miracles a few months ago and been terrified to pick it back up. It's just been sitting on my nightstand, untouched, for weeks. I have no idea what he's talking about in it, so it fits the bill in this category.
A book that you've already read at least once - This is another tough one. The first ones that came to mind are Liberal Fascism, What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us, and Atlas Shrugged. I'm still not sure. Decisions, decisions!
Overall, I'm excited about this challenge. Challenging myself to read three books per month in 2015 was easy at times and difficult at times; I'm sure this challenge will hold the same. It's strange to be reading one book at a time (not that it's required for this challenge, but it's what I've been doing), as I usually read two or three books at once.
Are you doing any reading challenges this year? Do you have any suggestions for me?
Sunday, June 21, 2015
(Un)Happy Father's Day
Father's Day is a tough day for me. I see the profile pictures change to friends with their dads - old pictures, wedding day portraits, multiple generations. I also have friends who have suffered the loss of their fathers, and I see those tributes to men who did a wonderful job during their time on earth.
My father is gone for me.
But alive.
We lost each other along the way.
My parents did not have an easy marriage. There was a lot of yelling. My father is an alcoholic and an angry drunk. It wasn't a stable relationship; he moved in and out. I remember him saying that we were worthless kids.
One night, my mom (out of concern for our safety), loaded us into the car and we slept for a few hours in a parking lot.
Another time, she bought tickets for us to attend an event, "The Sound of Music" sing-along, but our car wouldn't start. My dad didn't want us to go, so he had taken a part out of the car so that we couldn't leave.
I'll never forget the size and shape of the hole he punched in the kitchen cabinet.
I'll never forget seeing him strapped to a hospital bed, jaundiced and ill, going through alcohol withdrawal.
I'm sure he cared for us, somewhere along the way. I'm not saying he never took care of us, but there are probably more bad memories than good for me. The last time I actually spoke to him, I was calling him to tell him I was pregnant with Aynsley.
That was three and a half years ago.
I've sent him Christmas cards, birth announcements, and birthday cards. We play phone tag every once in awhile but don't connect. He's never met his grandchildren. I'm not sure he knows how to pronounce their names.
I don't feel like it's a terribly big loss for me, as my mom has supported and cared for me every day. I've always had a home, clothes, and food. I've always felt encouraged and loved by someone.
Yet it still hurts to be left behind by blood. I try not to think about it too much because it leaves me feeling rejected. Unloved. Unworthy.
I could go into the statistics that show how involved fathers are more likely to help their kids grow into educated, well-adjusted adults. I could find studies that show how important fathers are when it comes to their daughters self-esteem and eventual romantic relationships.
I don't have to look that stuff up. I lived it.
By the grace of God, I survived a childhood marked for disaster. I was at risk for teen pregnancy, drug use, suicide, underage drinking.
I got involved with a lot of guys as my parents were divorcing. I wasn't without a boyfriend for long in high school. I did and said a lot of things that I'm not proud of today.
I hung out with a crowd that was into drinking and drugs. I remember hearing a story about one of my friends nearly overdosing in his basement while his parents were upstairs.
While I've done a lot that I'm not proud of, I've never had a drink. I've never tried drugs. Although I haven't been perfect, I made no choices that got me near a chance of pregnancy (before marriage).
That might make me sound square or lame and that's fine. I'm proud of all the things I've never done. With genetics marked by alcoholism, with a risk of unplanned pregnancy, with peer pressure from friends and family, I've proven to myself that I'm stronger than my circumstances.
I can overcome.
I've never been fatherless. I grew up with a mother who believed in God and wanted me to know that He existed. That simple foundation gave me something to live for, something to be better for, something to succeed for. When I was praying a prayer, asking God for forgiveness, turning from my sin and asking for His mercy, I had no idea that eternal life was a part of the deal. I was completely clueless when a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. And it probably sounds silly to those who don't believe, but it would have sounded silly to me, too. Then I felt the change in my heart.
He has given me the strength to make the right decisions. He has given me purpose when I could have felt worthless. He has given me dreams when I could have been empty.
I won't let my circumstances hold me back.
I won't be held back from success in any area of my life.
I have a Father who has never left me alone, has accepted me and made me feel worthy.
I have a Father who has blessed me with a wonderful father-in-law, a fantastic man to be the father of my children, and plenty of wonderful father figures.
So it can be a happy Father's Day after all.
My father is gone for me.
But alive.
We lost each other along the way.
My parents did not have an easy marriage. There was a lot of yelling. My father is an alcoholic and an angry drunk. It wasn't a stable relationship; he moved in and out. I remember him saying that we were worthless kids.
One night, my mom (out of concern for our safety), loaded us into the car and we slept for a few hours in a parking lot.
Another time, she bought tickets for us to attend an event, "The Sound of Music" sing-along, but our car wouldn't start. My dad didn't want us to go, so he had taken a part out of the car so that we couldn't leave.
I'll never forget the size and shape of the hole he punched in the kitchen cabinet.
I'll never forget seeing him strapped to a hospital bed, jaundiced and ill, going through alcohol withdrawal.
I'm sure he cared for us, somewhere along the way. I'm not saying he never took care of us, but there are probably more bad memories than good for me. The last time I actually spoke to him, I was calling him to tell him I was pregnant with Aynsley.
That was three and a half years ago.
I've sent him Christmas cards, birth announcements, and birthday cards. We play phone tag every once in awhile but don't connect. He's never met his grandchildren. I'm not sure he knows how to pronounce their names.
I don't feel like it's a terribly big loss for me, as my mom has supported and cared for me every day. I've always had a home, clothes, and food. I've always felt encouraged and loved by someone.
Yet it still hurts to be left behind by blood. I try not to think about it too much because it leaves me feeling rejected. Unloved. Unworthy.
I could go into the statistics that show how involved fathers are more likely to help their kids grow into educated, well-adjusted adults. I could find studies that show how important fathers are when it comes to their daughters self-esteem and eventual romantic relationships.
I don't have to look that stuff up. I lived it.
By the grace of God, I survived a childhood marked for disaster. I was at risk for teen pregnancy, drug use, suicide, underage drinking.
I got involved with a lot of guys as my parents were divorcing. I wasn't without a boyfriend for long in high school. I did and said a lot of things that I'm not proud of today.
I hung out with a crowd that was into drinking and drugs. I remember hearing a story about one of my friends nearly overdosing in his basement while his parents were upstairs.
While I've done a lot that I'm not proud of, I've never had a drink. I've never tried drugs. Although I haven't been perfect, I made no choices that got me near a chance of pregnancy (before marriage).
That might make me sound square or lame and that's fine. I'm proud of all the things I've never done. With genetics marked by alcoholism, with a risk of unplanned pregnancy, with peer pressure from friends and family, I've proven to myself that I'm stronger than my circumstances.
I can overcome.
I've never been fatherless. I grew up with a mother who believed in God and wanted me to know that He existed. That simple foundation gave me something to live for, something to be better for, something to succeed for. When I was praying a prayer, asking God for forgiveness, turning from my sin and asking for His mercy, I had no idea that eternal life was a part of the deal. I was completely clueless when a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. And it probably sounds silly to those who don't believe, but it would have sounded silly to me, too. Then I felt the change in my heart.
He has given me the strength to make the right decisions. He has given me purpose when I could have felt worthless. He has given me dreams when I could have been empty.
I won't let my circumstances hold me back.
I won't be held back from success in any area of my life.
I have a Father who has never left me alone, has accepted me and made me feel worthy.
I have a Father who has blessed me with a wonderful father-in-law, a fantastic man to be the father of my children, and plenty of wonderful father figures.
So it can be a happy Father's Day after all.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Almost Debt Free: How We Paid Off More Than $43,000 in the Last 18 Months
I've spent the last few days taking notes whenever I think about how we've managed to it - pay off more than $43,000 in the last 18 months. As you can imagine, it has not been easy. Now that the end is truly in sight (barring any unforeseen circumstances, we're 2 to 3 months away from paying off our student loan debt), I thought that I would share our journey.
Here are a few disclaimers. I know that everyone's story is different. For us, it has really just been student loans. We have a credit card but we've never carried a balance. We had an interest-free personal loan from a family member for a car. When we were both working full-time, we bought our house. We never deferred our loans (even when they were automatically deferred when I started grad school, we opted to continue paying them while we paid for grad school outright).
We also have great insurance, so we haven't had to spend much to have our kids or to keep them healthy. I know that sometimes people have to save for hospital bills after birth (or make payments afterwards), but that hasn't been something that we've needed to do. We have decent vision and dental, so we've always been able to pay for everything we've needed (and we've followed the suggested guidelines for our check-ups for both).
Matt also had a lot of opportunities for overtime last year. Gavriel was new and little and it was so hard to handle everything myself at home. It was incredibly difficult sometimes - days and days would go by and I had spent all day and all night with the kids, by myself. I knew it was all for a greater good but it was hard to deal with so much loneliness at the time.
I know that all of these circumstances are completely ours. I know that some of the things that we've done won't work for everyone. As of now, we have a lot. 2 children, 2 dogs. A beautiful home that has only increased in value since we've purchased it. 2 cars (both with more than 170,000 miles). I stay home (and have been able to earn some income by keeping a beautiful little girl, a best friend to Aynsley and Gavriel, on weekdays for about the last four years).
Now for how we accomplished this feat (maybe it's not a feat to some, but it definitely was to us!). Shortly after we got married, Matt made it clear that he didn't want to settle for making the minimum payment on our loans every month. He didn't want to have the weight of those tens of thousands of dollars over us forever. We know a lot of people who have the attitude of just paying the check every month and accepting it, and that's fine for others, but we wanted to be done early. Really, Matt wanted to be done early and I sighed and decided to stop buying so much clothing.
We don't know exactly how much student loan debt we started with - probably between $80,000 and $100,000. Don't get me started.
Anyway, we agreed on getting out of debt as fast as we could. I fought budgeting, though. If I hadn't done that, we'd be out of debt by now! We would sit for our budget meetings and I would get so frustrated by how many bills we had. We weren't doing anything extravagant, we weren't eating out much, we had basic cable! I was pretty tired of being an adult and I wasn't even very far into the whole thing. I wouldn't finish budget meetings; I'd storm off in disgust. How mature, I know.
We managed to keep paying off loans as I started grad school (I worked, full-time or part-time, for all of my time in school). This is where I started to pick up on my hustle. My grad school program was scheduled to be 6 semesters, and we were able to pay for the majority of that on a payment plan with the school. We did get a loan during the last two semesters, but I got the most for my money. I worked hard during my first summer semester and took double the load to avoid an additional semester - so I finished the 6-semester program in 5. Students were encouraged to keep a light load in the summer (since the fall and spring semesters were full and included practicums and the additional projects those required), but I powered through so that we wouldn't have to pay for that final (extra) semester.
After completing grad school, I was blessed to get a "job" working at home - watching a beautiful baby girl during weekdays. I also continued to work a part-time job in social work on Saturdays. I knew it wouldn't be long before we wanted to have kids, so I started to stick a little closer to the budget (I was starting to sit through the budget meetings for a little bit longer). After I became pregnant with Aynsley, I carefully chose how I wanted to spend our money. I took time to decide on what I wanted to buy new and what I was happy to have used.
Sacrifice and settling have been the name of the game since then. We live in a culture that tells us that we deserve whatever we want and we deserve it now. I have felt that about everything from a cup of coffee to clothing to a new car. Yet I DON'T deserve it, not unless I've earned it and worked for it. It was difficult for me to overcome this attitude (and I'm so grateful that it didn't cause me to put us into any further debt), but it has really made a difference. We've generally stuck with the Financial Peace/Dave Ramsey plan, cash in the envelopes and all.
We have DIY'ed everything that we possibly could. Seriously. We have paid one professional for anything in our home in the last several years, and only because we had no other option (our stairwell needed to be painted and - though I love to paint - we don't have the tools to reach high enough on the walls). When our air conditioner broke, we called a friend who worked in heating and cooling and he took care of it in a few minutes at no cost (I sent a gift card; don't worry). Matt has fixed our laptop, washer, dryer, disposal, cars, and a ton of other things. I cut everyone's hair in our kitchen and/or bathtub (I'm the only one who gets a professional haircut, and it is pretty much the only money that I spend on myself). Our dogs get yearly check-ups and shots, but we otherwise care for them at home. So that means that we groom them ourselves and it's not perfect, but my motto is "better than a shelter." (I mentioned that Matt has fixed the washer and dryer, but I feel I should clarify and give credit where it's due. I don't remember what broke first - maybe the dryer and then the washer and then the dryer again and then the washer again? Anyway, Matt ultimately fixed the dryer - sort of - and we got a new washer. I still have to reset the thermostat on our dryer pretty frequently because the dryer stops heating. This involves screwdrivers and a little tool, maybe it's called an altimeter? I feel pretty smart and handy whenever I get it working again. After our washer died, a friend found a cheap washer on the curb in her neighborhood and snatched it up for us. It needed some cheap repairs, which Matt managed - with YouTube's help. During the time of the Laundry Crisis of 2014, I did laundry at the homes of three different friends. People - thank you. Thank you for letting me bring smelly clothes - and diapers - into your home. Can you guess what I want to replace right after we get out of debt?!)
We are so CHEAP. I know that a lot of people subscribe to money-saving blogs, and that's one thing that I do, too. I stretch ingredients for recipes. We buy everything that we can at Aldi. We use cloth diapers. I coupon (but only when I see things that I know I'll be buying). We check retailmenot.com before every single online purchase. When our car was totaled and we got the insurance check, we bought a cheaper car and paid off a loan. Matt called and complained when the promotional price for our internet service ended so that we pay less now. I make the very most of resales, clearance, hand-me-downs, and buying/selling sites on Facebook. If I buy something brand-new for my kids, it's because I couldn't find it somewhere else used or on clearance. We have a digital antenna and no cable. We use two somewhat unknown phone services - Ooma and Ting (we don't feel obligated to pay for the big names in phone service). We've never had a problem with either and we are paying less than $4 per month for our home phone service and less than $45 per month for our two cell phones. We research, research, research before we spend money (even the one time I actually spent money on an app). Matt eats leftovers at work and I make the most out of every ingredient in our fridge and pantry.
We have to REFRAIN. I haven't bought Christmas or birthday gifts for friends, nieces, or nephews for years (I hate this. I hate this so much). I mentioned that I'll cut coupons, but I don't spend money on things just because they're on sale. I don't go out of my way to get a good deal on something that will sit on a shelf for a long time - our budget is just too tight. We haven't bought much for ourselves in the last several years, especially clothing and shoes. Most of my clothing and shoes are from college or the first year or two of our marriage - I can't afford to be trendy (or even new). Matt has been wearing the same pair of sneakers for more than six years (and he only has three pairs of non-work shoes). We use things until there is no use left. I sew, we repair, we reuse. To a ridiculous extent. Our budgets are pretty limited. Here's some of what we can adjust and work with each month.
- Entertainment - $10 (So that's our Netflix account, and maybe a Redbox. If we want to go to a movie or something, that will have to come out of personal cash.)
- Personal cash - $25 each (So that's eating out, clothing, etc.)
- Food - $350 for four people (This may seem like a lot to some people - and not much to others - for our whole family. This includes everything we'll be eating for the month. If we plan on eating out as a family, it comes out of here. Every breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack comes out of this amount.)
- Shopping - $150 (This includes everything else we'd buy. This amount has to include diapers, wipes, dog food, clothes, shoes, toiletries, cleaning supplies, and everything else. Sometimes things have to wait because this budget is not huge. Mascara was on my shopping list for almost a year - seriously.)
I share our experience in the hopes that someone will find hope in what we've been able to do in the last few years. We spent so long feeling so trapped by our past decisions and we can't wait to feel freedom from this debt. We have some very practical things planned (and some fun stuff, too!). I hope this has inspired someone today!
Here are a few disclaimers. I know that everyone's story is different. For us, it has really just been student loans. We have a credit card but we've never carried a balance. We had an interest-free personal loan from a family member for a car. When we were both working full-time, we bought our house. We never deferred our loans (even when they were automatically deferred when I started grad school, we opted to continue paying them while we paid for grad school outright).
We also have great insurance, so we haven't had to spend much to have our kids or to keep them healthy. I know that sometimes people have to save for hospital bills after birth (or make payments afterwards), but that hasn't been something that we've needed to do. We have decent vision and dental, so we've always been able to pay for everything we've needed (and we've followed the suggested guidelines for our check-ups for both).
Matt also had a lot of opportunities for overtime last year. Gavriel was new and little and it was so hard to handle everything myself at home. It was incredibly difficult sometimes - days and days would go by and I had spent all day and all night with the kids, by myself. I knew it was all for a greater good but it was hard to deal with so much loneliness at the time.
I know that all of these circumstances are completely ours. I know that some of the things that we've done won't work for everyone. As of now, we have a lot. 2 children, 2 dogs. A beautiful home that has only increased in value since we've purchased it. 2 cars (both with more than 170,000 miles). I stay home (and have been able to earn some income by keeping a beautiful little girl, a best friend to Aynsley and Gavriel, on weekdays for about the last four years).
Now for how we accomplished this feat (maybe it's not a feat to some, but it definitely was to us!). Shortly after we got married, Matt made it clear that he didn't want to settle for making the minimum payment on our loans every month. He didn't want to have the weight of those tens of thousands of dollars over us forever. We know a lot of people who have the attitude of just paying the check every month and accepting it, and that's fine for others, but we wanted to be done early. Really, Matt wanted to be done early and I sighed and decided to stop buying so much clothing.
We don't know exactly how much student loan debt we started with - probably between $80,000 and $100,000. Don't get me started.
Anyway, we agreed on getting out of debt as fast as we could. I fought budgeting, though. If I hadn't done that, we'd be out of debt by now! We would sit for our budget meetings and I would get so frustrated by how many bills we had. We weren't doing anything extravagant, we weren't eating out much, we had basic cable! I was pretty tired of being an adult and I wasn't even very far into the whole thing. I wouldn't finish budget meetings; I'd storm off in disgust. How mature, I know.
We managed to keep paying off loans as I started grad school (I worked, full-time or part-time, for all of my time in school). This is where I started to pick up on my hustle. My grad school program was scheduled to be 6 semesters, and we were able to pay for the majority of that on a payment plan with the school. We did get a loan during the last two semesters, but I got the most for my money. I worked hard during my first summer semester and took double the load to avoid an additional semester - so I finished the 6-semester program in 5. Students were encouraged to keep a light load in the summer (since the fall and spring semesters were full and included practicums and the additional projects those required), but I powered through so that we wouldn't have to pay for that final (extra) semester.
After completing grad school, I was blessed to get a "job" working at home - watching a beautiful baby girl during weekdays. I also continued to work a part-time job in social work on Saturdays. I knew it wouldn't be long before we wanted to have kids, so I started to stick a little closer to the budget (I was starting to sit through the budget meetings for a little bit longer). After I became pregnant with Aynsley, I carefully chose how I wanted to spend our money. I took time to decide on what I wanted to buy new and what I was happy to have used.
Sacrifice and settling have been the name of the game since then. We live in a culture that tells us that we deserve whatever we want and we deserve it now. I have felt that about everything from a cup of coffee to clothing to a new car. Yet I DON'T deserve it, not unless I've earned it and worked for it. It was difficult for me to overcome this attitude (and I'm so grateful that it didn't cause me to put us into any further debt), but it has really made a difference. We've generally stuck with the Financial Peace/Dave Ramsey plan, cash in the envelopes and all.
We have DIY'ed everything that we possibly could. Seriously. We have paid one professional for anything in our home in the last several years, and only because we had no other option (our stairwell needed to be painted and - though I love to paint - we don't have the tools to reach high enough on the walls). When our air conditioner broke, we called a friend who worked in heating and cooling and he took care of it in a few minutes at no cost (I sent a gift card; don't worry). Matt has fixed our laptop, washer, dryer, disposal, cars, and a ton of other things. I cut everyone's hair in our kitchen and/or bathtub (I'm the only one who gets a professional haircut, and it is pretty much the only money that I spend on myself). Our dogs get yearly check-ups and shots, but we otherwise care for them at home. So that means that we groom them ourselves and it's not perfect, but my motto is "better than a shelter." (I mentioned that Matt has fixed the washer and dryer, but I feel I should clarify and give credit where it's due. I don't remember what broke first - maybe the dryer and then the washer and then the dryer again and then the washer again? Anyway, Matt ultimately fixed the dryer - sort of - and we got a new washer. I still have to reset the thermostat on our dryer pretty frequently because the dryer stops heating. This involves screwdrivers and a little tool, maybe it's called an altimeter? I feel pretty smart and handy whenever I get it working again. After our washer died, a friend found a cheap washer on the curb in her neighborhood and snatched it up for us. It needed some cheap repairs, which Matt managed - with YouTube's help. During the time of the Laundry Crisis of 2014, I did laundry at the homes of three different friends. People - thank you. Thank you for letting me bring smelly clothes - and diapers - into your home. Can you guess what I want to replace right after we get out of debt?!)
We are so CHEAP. I know that a lot of people subscribe to money-saving blogs, and that's one thing that I do, too. I stretch ingredients for recipes. We buy everything that we can at Aldi. We use cloth diapers. I coupon (but only when I see things that I know I'll be buying). We check retailmenot.com before every single online purchase. When our car was totaled and we got the insurance check, we bought a cheaper car and paid off a loan. Matt called and complained when the promotional price for our internet service ended so that we pay less now. I make the very most of resales, clearance, hand-me-downs, and buying/selling sites on Facebook. If I buy something brand-new for my kids, it's because I couldn't find it somewhere else used or on clearance. We have a digital antenna and no cable. We use two somewhat unknown phone services - Ooma and Ting (we don't feel obligated to pay for the big names in phone service). We've never had a problem with either and we are paying less than $4 per month for our home phone service and less than $45 per month for our two cell phones. We research, research, research before we spend money (even the one time I actually spent money on an app). Matt eats leftovers at work and I make the most out of every ingredient in our fridge and pantry.
We have to REFRAIN. I haven't bought Christmas or birthday gifts for friends, nieces, or nephews for years (I hate this. I hate this so much). I mentioned that I'll cut coupons, but I don't spend money on things just because they're on sale. I don't go out of my way to get a good deal on something that will sit on a shelf for a long time - our budget is just too tight. We haven't bought much for ourselves in the last several years, especially clothing and shoes. Most of my clothing and shoes are from college or the first year or two of our marriage - I can't afford to be trendy (or even new). Matt has been wearing the same pair of sneakers for more than six years (and he only has three pairs of non-work shoes). We use things until there is no use left. I sew, we repair, we reuse. To a ridiculous extent. Our budgets are pretty limited. Here's some of what we can adjust and work with each month.
- Entertainment - $10 (So that's our Netflix account, and maybe a Redbox. If we want to go to a movie or something, that will have to come out of personal cash.)
- Personal cash - $25 each (So that's eating out, clothing, etc.)
- Food - $350 for four people (This may seem like a lot to some people - and not much to others - for our whole family. This includes everything we'll be eating for the month. If we plan on eating out as a family, it comes out of here. Every breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack comes out of this amount.)
- Shopping - $150 (This includes everything else we'd buy. This amount has to include diapers, wipes, dog food, clothes, shoes, toiletries, cleaning supplies, and everything else. Sometimes things have to wait because this budget is not huge. Mascara was on my shopping list for almost a year - seriously.)
I share our experience in the hopes that someone will find hope in what we've been able to do in the last few years. We spent so long feeling so trapped by our past decisions and we can't wait to feel freedom from this debt. We have some very practical things planned (and some fun stuff, too!). I hope this has inspired someone today!
Saturday, August 9, 2014
6 Months as a Mom of 2
It's hard to believe that our brand-new boy arrived 6 months ago! We've been having so much fun as a family of four since then. I'm finding it really is a challenge to have two kids, though - I didn't expect for this to be such a difficult transition for me.
I know that every kid is different, but Gavriel and Aynsley are more different than I expected. Aynsley was content to be put down at a fairly early age; Gavriel would still prefer to be held most of the time. Aynsley slept great stretches pretty early on; Gavriel finally slept through the night at 4 months (twice as long as it took Aynsley, although I know that I should be ecstatic with both). Aynsley hated to be swaddled; Gavriel needed it.
I really felt like a crazy person for the first two months of Gavriel's life. I remember being really mean - I had a terribly short fuse. I know that I was mean to my mom, I was mean to Matt, and I couldn't stop getting up and getting everything done. I was so determined to prove that I wouldn't be slowed down by two kids (I want FIVE, after all). Aynsley handled the transition pretty well, but I fell apart when she got sick (vomit-sick, for the first time ever). Gavriel got sick within the first few months and just wanted to sleep (and barely eat, which made me terribly stressed). Everyone (except me) had pinkeye and both kids had terrible coughs (which required bloodwork for Aynsley, but it ended up being nothing but a bad cold).
I find myself counting down the hours to bedtime a bit more now...I don't think I'm in survival mode most days, but I do enjoy the quiet time that comes with both kids being in bed. I know that many moms would love my "job" (keeping my kids at home, keeping two other kids - one full-time, one part-time) and the perks of it (getting chores done, watching tv at naptime, 12 hours of - typically - uninterrupted evening/sleep), but it's still difficult, day in and day out. If I don't get the dishwasher emptied before the kids are up, I feel like I can't get anything done (admittedly, I can't load the dirty dishes, and that sets me back and makes me crazy). I hear people tell me that the house will be there when the kids are gone, so I should enjoy them. That's great and all; really, I understand the motive behind that. However, it doesn't change the fact that I need to do the dishes! And my family needs clean clothes! And everyone likes to eat food, but I have to cook it!
I find myself losing patience more easily. I find myself taking deep breaths and closing my eyes and couting to ten in my head. I find myself begging, pleading with God to give me the patience and strength that I need to be the right example. A day will go by and I didn't play with the girls as much as I would have liked. I spent more time on my phone than I should have. I didn't get things from my to-do list done. So I feel like a failure at EVERYTHING.
The good thing is that there's plenty to be positive about now. Aynsley is picking up letters and numbers without me having to work with her much (I will try not to brag, but she might be a genius). She doesn't get much screen time (a little educational tv here and there, next to no time with our phones and tablet) and is totally content. She loves to read, especiallly to her brother. She's FUNNY. She's an amazing eater (asking for more lentil soup the other night). Overall, she's pretty well-behaved. She loves Gwen and they have an absolute blast together. (Sidenote: When I had Gavriel, I told Matt that I felt like I was "cheating" on Aynsley (I know that sounds weird). I'll never forget a friend telling me that I was giving Aynsley the best gift - a sibling. How true! When I hear them both gigglig in the other room, I can't help but smile.)
I get to work out (if I get up early enough or make a sacrifice during naptime). I get to read. I get to see my husband every day. I make a little money and don't feel like a total schmuck. I get to (attempt to) clean my house, water my plants, and cook dinner while most people have to sit at a desk (although sometimes I would really like to trade for a quiet office and a desk). I get to do field trips (although they're usually to Sam's Club or Aldi), projects, and teaching (right in my kitchen!). I get to get up every day and try again, try a little harder, to show love to these kids. To show them how to be a grown-up. To show them Jesus.
Moms of many - will this go by faster with every additional kid? I mean, the last six months have flown by (the last two have been especially wonderful, since Gavriel has been sleeping 12-hour stretches)! I can't believe that I have two.
Also, for anyone who deals with phantom crying...Will it ever stop? Seriously, once a week (at least), this happens:
ME: Oh, my gosh, how long has he been fussing?
MATT (looking at me quizzically): What are you talking about?
ME: Gavriel! He's fussing! How bad has it been?
MATT: I haven't heard a thing. What are you talking about?
ME: He's totally been crying! I told myself that I would just load and set the dishwasher and then I'd go get him.
MATT (staring at me blankly): Um...I think you're crazy.
I'm always hearing crying!
And now I'm starting to respond the way that I'd like when people say that I must have my hands full..."Yes, full of good things!" It's the truth.
I know that every kid is different, but Gavriel and Aynsley are more different than I expected. Aynsley was content to be put down at a fairly early age; Gavriel would still prefer to be held most of the time. Aynsley slept great stretches pretty early on; Gavriel finally slept through the night at 4 months (twice as long as it took Aynsley, although I know that I should be ecstatic with both). Aynsley hated to be swaddled; Gavriel needed it.
I really felt like a crazy person for the first two months of Gavriel's life. I remember being really mean - I had a terribly short fuse. I know that I was mean to my mom, I was mean to Matt, and I couldn't stop getting up and getting everything done. I was so determined to prove that I wouldn't be slowed down by two kids (I want FIVE, after all). Aynsley handled the transition pretty well, but I fell apart when she got sick (vomit-sick, for the first time ever). Gavriel got sick within the first few months and just wanted to sleep (and barely eat, which made me terribly stressed). Everyone (except me) had pinkeye and both kids had terrible coughs (which required bloodwork for Aynsley, but it ended up being nothing but a bad cold).
I find myself counting down the hours to bedtime a bit more now...I don't think I'm in survival mode most days, but I do enjoy the quiet time that comes with both kids being in bed. I know that many moms would love my "job" (keeping my kids at home, keeping two other kids - one full-time, one part-time) and the perks of it (getting chores done, watching tv at naptime, 12 hours of - typically - uninterrupted evening/sleep), but it's still difficult, day in and day out. If I don't get the dishwasher emptied before the kids are up, I feel like I can't get anything done (admittedly, I can't load the dirty dishes, and that sets me back and makes me crazy). I hear people tell me that the house will be there when the kids are gone, so I should enjoy them. That's great and all; really, I understand the motive behind that. However, it doesn't change the fact that I need to do the dishes! And my family needs clean clothes! And everyone likes to eat food, but I have to cook it!
I find myself losing patience more easily. I find myself taking deep breaths and closing my eyes and couting to ten in my head. I find myself begging, pleading with God to give me the patience and strength that I need to be the right example. A day will go by and I didn't play with the girls as much as I would have liked. I spent more time on my phone than I should have. I didn't get things from my to-do list done. So I feel like a failure at EVERYTHING.
The good thing is that there's plenty to be positive about now. Aynsley is picking up letters and numbers without me having to work with her much (I will try not to brag, but she might be a genius). She doesn't get much screen time (a little educational tv here and there, next to no time with our phones and tablet) and is totally content. She loves to read, especiallly to her brother. She's FUNNY. She's an amazing eater (asking for more lentil soup the other night). Overall, she's pretty well-behaved. She loves Gwen and they have an absolute blast together. (Sidenote: When I had Gavriel, I told Matt that I felt like I was "cheating" on Aynsley (I know that sounds weird). I'll never forget a friend telling me that I was giving Aynsley the best gift - a sibling. How true! When I hear them both gigglig in the other room, I can't help but smile.)
I get to work out (if I get up early enough or make a sacrifice during naptime). I get to read. I get to see my husband every day. I make a little money and don't feel like a total schmuck. I get to (attempt to) clean my house, water my plants, and cook dinner while most people have to sit at a desk (although sometimes I would really like to trade for a quiet office and a desk). I get to do field trips (although they're usually to Sam's Club or Aldi), projects, and teaching (right in my kitchen!). I get to get up every day and try again, try a little harder, to show love to these kids. To show them how to be a grown-up. To show them Jesus.
Moms of many - will this go by faster with every additional kid? I mean, the last six months have flown by (the last two have been especially wonderful, since Gavriel has been sleeping 12-hour stretches)! I can't believe that I have two.
Also, for anyone who deals with phantom crying...Will it ever stop? Seriously, once a week (at least), this happens:
ME: Oh, my gosh, how long has he been fussing?
MATT (looking at me quizzically): What are you talking about?
ME: Gavriel! He's fussing! How bad has it been?
MATT: I haven't heard a thing. What are you talking about?
ME: He's totally been crying! I told myself that I would just load and set the dishwasher and then I'd go get him.
MATT (staring at me blankly): Um...I think you're crazy.
I'm always hearing crying!
And now I'm starting to respond the way that I'd like when people say that I must have my hands full..."Yes, full of good things!" It's the truth.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
The Arrival of Our Gavriel
The newest member of our family has arrived! We are so glad that he is happy and healthy. I'm excited to share our story in case you're interested in it.
I'm pretty used to having some contractions every day (and you may remember that my due date was Wednesday, February 12th). On Sunday, February 2nd, I spent several hours on my feet and several contractions continued once I sat down and relaxed (I had also had just a bit of spotting that day). After taking a shower and getting in bed, though, the contractions subsided and I was able to sleep. Later that week, the evening of Wednesday, February 5th, I got to bed later than expected and had several contractions even after getting in bed. Aynsley was fussing and I got up to comfort her a couple of times. The contractions were pretty regular but, eventually, I fell asleep. At my appointment on Thursday, February 6th, I opted not to get checked. My midwife told me that she was on call over the weekend, so she'd see me at the hospital if anything happened.
The rest of Thursday and Friday were uneventful. On Saturday morning, we all slept in and had breakfast. I met a friend for lunch and then did some grocery shopping. Matt and I watched a little tv while Aynsley napped and then we got ready for a wedding in downtown Louisville. We dropped Aynsley off with friends and went to the Science Center for the ceremony and reception. After the ceremony, we were able to walk around the Science Center while the wedding party was taking pictures. I couldn't do a ton of walking due to being uncomfortable, but we saw things on a few floors before the reception started. I ate a great dinner, laughed with friends, and had some yummy hot chocolate. I knew that I wouldn't feel much like dancing, so we were planning to leave earlier than usual. The first song (after all of the official wedding songs) was "Love Shack" - the song that I requested! The bride was waiting for me on the dance floor, so I couldn't refuse. For those of you who know me very well, you know that I LOOOOOOVE "Love Shack." Love it.
Matt and I picked Aynsley up and went home. After Aynsley was in bed, I made a batch of brownies for a Sunday School class luncheon that we were planning on attending the next day and put in a load of Aynsley's cloth diapers. Matt and I watched some tv and then went to bed. Through all of the tasks I was doing once we got home, I was contracting, but it was nothing intense.
Matt and I got in bed and I fully expected the contractions would stop at that point (I really, really, REALLY wanted another week, week and a half before his arrival). After the contractions continued for awhile, Matt and I started packing up my hospital bags and cleaning up a bit. We called friends to come stay with Aynsley. At this point, the contractions were consistent but very short - they were little bursts that could barely be timed. I thought that we would go to the hospital and I'd get checked and they'd send me home, but I erred on the side of caution after my short labor with Aynsley and my desire to do a VBAC.
We left shortly after our friends arrived, about 1:30am. We got to the hospital around 2:00am. I got checked in and it's possible that my water broke while I was sitting in the office. When I got in bed and got checked, the nurse said that the bag of waters was intact but that I was complete. My midwife, however, was still not there, so I was avoiding pushing. After my midwife arrived, I was able to push and he arrived at 3:12am. I got to spend the next two hours just holding him, nursing him, and admiring him.
I guess there's always a little more to the story (mine involves fainting, tearing, Pitocin, and wanting to make sure that the bed was made before we left the house), but that's the quick version.
Our sweet boy's name is Gavriel James. If you think it's a typo, it's not. Gavriel is a variation on Gabriel (meaning "man of God") and it's pronounced gave-ree-uhl. His middle name was chosen to honor Matt's great-grandfather, who was a small town marshal killed in the line of duty in 1924.
So I got the birth that I wanted (pretty much) - Bradley method, no drugs, "traditional" delivery. I had a great coach, who's so proud of me. Aynsley is enamored with her little brother, worrying when he fusses and wanting to hold him. He's been nursing well (starting this was sooooo much easier the second time around!) and was almost back up to birth weight at the pediatrician yesterday. Right now, it feels a little crazy to have 2 under 2, but it's so wonderful to have another child in our family. We have so much support and love from friends and family. Thank you for all of the congratulations and kind words!
I'm pretty used to having some contractions every day (and you may remember that my due date was Wednesday, February 12th). On Sunday, February 2nd, I spent several hours on my feet and several contractions continued once I sat down and relaxed (I had also had just a bit of spotting that day). After taking a shower and getting in bed, though, the contractions subsided and I was able to sleep. Later that week, the evening of Wednesday, February 5th, I got to bed later than expected and had several contractions even after getting in bed. Aynsley was fussing and I got up to comfort her a couple of times. The contractions were pretty regular but, eventually, I fell asleep. At my appointment on Thursday, February 6th, I opted not to get checked. My midwife told me that she was on call over the weekend, so she'd see me at the hospital if anything happened.
The rest of Thursday and Friday were uneventful. On Saturday morning, we all slept in and had breakfast. I met a friend for lunch and then did some grocery shopping. Matt and I watched a little tv while Aynsley napped and then we got ready for a wedding in downtown Louisville. We dropped Aynsley off with friends and went to the Science Center for the ceremony and reception. After the ceremony, we were able to walk around the Science Center while the wedding party was taking pictures. I couldn't do a ton of walking due to being uncomfortable, but we saw things on a few floors before the reception started. I ate a great dinner, laughed with friends, and had some yummy hot chocolate. I knew that I wouldn't feel much like dancing, so we were planning to leave earlier than usual. The first song (after all of the official wedding songs) was "Love Shack" - the song that I requested! The bride was waiting for me on the dance floor, so I couldn't refuse. For those of you who know me very well, you know that I LOOOOOOVE "Love Shack." Love it.
Matt and I picked Aynsley up and went home. After Aynsley was in bed, I made a batch of brownies for a Sunday School class luncheon that we were planning on attending the next day and put in a load of Aynsley's cloth diapers. Matt and I watched some tv and then went to bed. Through all of the tasks I was doing once we got home, I was contracting, but it was nothing intense.
Matt and I got in bed and I fully expected the contractions would stop at that point (I really, really, REALLY wanted another week, week and a half before his arrival). After the contractions continued for awhile, Matt and I started packing up my hospital bags and cleaning up a bit. We called friends to come stay with Aynsley. At this point, the contractions were consistent but very short - they were little bursts that could barely be timed. I thought that we would go to the hospital and I'd get checked and they'd send me home, but I erred on the side of caution after my short labor with Aynsley and my desire to do a VBAC.
We left shortly after our friends arrived, about 1:30am. We got to the hospital around 2:00am. I got checked in and it's possible that my water broke while I was sitting in the office. When I got in bed and got checked, the nurse said that the bag of waters was intact but that I was complete. My midwife, however, was still not there, so I was avoiding pushing. After my midwife arrived, I was able to push and he arrived at 3:12am. I got to spend the next two hours just holding him, nursing him, and admiring him.
I guess there's always a little more to the story (mine involves fainting, tearing, Pitocin, and wanting to make sure that the bed was made before we left the house), but that's the quick version.
Our sweet boy's name is Gavriel James. If you think it's a typo, it's not. Gavriel is a variation on Gabriel (meaning "man of God") and it's pronounced gave-ree-uhl. His middle name was chosen to honor Matt's great-grandfather, who was a small town marshal killed in the line of duty in 1924.
So I got the birth that I wanted (pretty much) - Bradley method, no drugs, "traditional" delivery. I had a great coach, who's so proud of me. Aynsley is enamored with her little brother, worrying when he fusses and wanting to hold him. He's been nursing well (starting this was sooooo much easier the second time around!) and was almost back up to birth weight at the pediatrician yesterday. Right now, it feels a little crazy to have 2 under 2, but it's so wonderful to have another child in our family. We have so much support and love from friends and family. Thank you for all of the congratulations and kind words!
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Oceans.
I don't know if you've heard this song, but it has really spoken to me in the last several weeks that I've heard it on the radio. As I was sitting in our living room tonight, I was planning on putting on some music for background as I got a few things done. I went to find the radio version but instead found a live acoustic version from the Relevant studios (I've only been a subscriber to the Relevant magazine for, oh, ten years - most of their existence). I decided to listen to this version instead, knowing it would probably sound pretty good.
Suddenly, I was crying. Through the entire thing.
I might be a bit hormonal, but I think this reached beyond that. My beautiful daughter was in the room with me and, when she saw that I was crying, she asked, "Eyes?"and I said, "Yes, I'm crying. My eyes are wet. I need a tissue." She got a tissue and brought it over to me. Then she wiped my eyes. And my nose. And my eyes again.
And thinking about what an incredible blessing she is, thinking about God granting me the privilege of being a mother, her mother, and the mother of this little one growing inside, and hopefully the mother of future babies to come…It was all so much suddenly.
This pregnancy has been a little different than with Aynsley's…My skin has been a lot more sensitive and the heartburn has been worse, but I have still felt amazing and been in no rush (except for sheer excitement) to meet this little one. Yet I've been more concerned that something's going to go wrong or that something serious will happen - it might just be knowing more after having one, but I've been a little more worried this time around.
This song, as it talks about deep waters, sometimes makes me think of drowning - drowning in sorrow or grief or fear. I'm not even feeling like that but I'm afraid that I will feel like that - like something scary or heartbreaking or terrible is up ahead in my future. And yet I'm reminded to keep my eyes above, not on the things of this world. I'm reminded that He will bring me through anything, no matter how rough or difficult. So this is just a brief post to share this song because I think it's so beautiful and it brings me to worship so quickly.
Suddenly, I was crying. Through the entire thing.
I might be a bit hormonal, but I think this reached beyond that. My beautiful daughter was in the room with me and, when she saw that I was crying, she asked, "Eyes?"and I said, "Yes, I'm crying. My eyes are wet. I need a tissue." She got a tissue and brought it over to me. Then she wiped my eyes. And my nose. And my eyes again.
And thinking about what an incredible blessing she is, thinking about God granting me the privilege of being a mother, her mother, and the mother of this little one growing inside, and hopefully the mother of future babies to come…It was all so much suddenly.
This pregnancy has been a little different than with Aynsley's…My skin has been a lot more sensitive and the heartburn has been worse, but I have still felt amazing and been in no rush (except for sheer excitement) to meet this little one. Yet I've been more concerned that something's going to go wrong or that something serious will happen - it might just be knowing more after having one, but I've been a little more worried this time around.
This song, as it talks about deep waters, sometimes makes me think of drowning - drowning in sorrow or grief or fear. I'm not even feeling like that but I'm afraid that I will feel like that - like something scary or heartbreaking or terrible is up ahead in my future. And yet I'm reminded to keep my eyes above, not on the things of this world. I'm reminded that He will bring me through anything, no matter how rough or difficult. So this is just a brief post to share this song because I think it's so beautiful and it brings me to worship so quickly.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Preparing for a BOY!
We were overjoyed to find out that baby #2 is a boy (we would have been overjoyed either way!) and I am fully in the throes of nesting/preparation/meltdowns. We are getting a lot of questions about names, what we need, how I'm feeling, and our upcoming plans.
To answer some questions, we don't have any names! Really and truly, we haven't discussed it. I'm taking my time, working through a baby name book right now (weird, right?) and we'll figure it out at some point. We never had a boy's name that we agreed on in the past, so this should be interesting!
I have been preparing for having a boy for some time now. Since we want such a big family, we got a lot of gender-neutral things (sheets, swing, walker, carseat, stroller, etc.) our first time around and I also bought a lot of used boy clothing months ago. So baby needs almost no clothes or bedding for several months! We do need a new mattress for him, along with a few more cloth diaper covers for when he's too small for the BumGenius ones his sister will still be wearing for a bit. We will eventually need a new high chair (the one we use was free but the cover is falling apart and I can't find a new one) and I would LOVE a second rock 'n play sleeper (although I several friends to borrow from if needed). Overall, though, he'll be dressed for the next several months. I should probably start buying some diapers soon, though...
I've been feeling GREAT. I've had a lot of energy and baby isn't picky about food or drink at all (he likes spicy items a little more than his sister did, so I've had a few Tums already). I've been painting and sewing and deep cleaning and enjoying it all because my belly isn't too big yet.
One of the big questions that I'm getting is whether Aynsley will stay in her crib after her brother's arrival. Since baby boy will be in our room for several weeks, I'm planning to keep Aynsley in her crib for quite awhile. She will have a "big girl" room ready ("big girl" bed and all!) before February and I'll get baby boy's room ready before then, too, even though Aynsley will still be in there for a stretch.
So now you're a little more updated on our preparing for our boy's arrival. It seems like more work this time around because I'm actually getting two rooms ready, doing regular house-related nesting, and trying to make sure that Aynsley's set on clothing for the next few months (everything is stored in these ginormous tubs in the baby's closet that I won't be able to move for much longer). Add the upcoming holidays (with all of the wonderful things that come with that but also the stress) and it's busy around here, but it'll be even busier in a few months!
To answer some questions, we don't have any names! Really and truly, we haven't discussed it. I'm taking my time, working through a baby name book right now (weird, right?) and we'll figure it out at some point. We never had a boy's name that we agreed on in the past, so this should be interesting!
I have been preparing for having a boy for some time now. Since we want such a big family, we got a lot of gender-neutral things (sheets, swing, walker, carseat, stroller, etc.) our first time around and I also bought a lot of used boy clothing months ago. So baby needs almost no clothes or bedding for several months! We do need a new mattress for him, along with a few more cloth diaper covers for when he's too small for the BumGenius ones his sister will still be wearing for a bit. We will eventually need a new high chair (the one we use was free but the cover is falling apart and I can't find a new one) and I would LOVE a second rock 'n play sleeper (although I several friends to borrow from if needed). Overall, though, he'll be dressed for the next several months. I should probably start buying some diapers soon, though...
I've been feeling GREAT. I've had a lot of energy and baby isn't picky about food or drink at all (he likes spicy items a little more than his sister did, so I've had a few Tums already). I've been painting and sewing and deep cleaning and enjoying it all because my belly isn't too big yet.
One of the big questions that I'm getting is whether Aynsley will stay in her crib after her brother's arrival. Since baby boy will be in our room for several weeks, I'm planning to keep Aynsley in her crib for quite awhile. She will have a "big girl" room ready ("big girl" bed and all!) before February and I'll get baby boy's room ready before then, too, even though Aynsley will still be in there for a stretch.
So now you're a little more updated on our preparing for our boy's arrival. It seems like more work this time around because I'm actually getting two rooms ready, doing regular house-related nesting, and trying to make sure that Aynsley's set on clothing for the next few months (everything is stored in these ginormous tubs in the baby's closet that I won't be able to move for much longer). Add the upcoming holidays (with all of the wonderful things that come with that but also the stress) and it's busy around here, but it'll be even busier in a few months!
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Baby McDaniel #2
Now that the post I was avoiding writing is out of the way, I can write about the most exciting thing coming up for the McDaniels - baby #2! I'll just answer a few questions that I've been getting.
How far along are you? I am 16 weeks into this pregnancy!
What’s your due date? Baby is due February 12th.
Will you find out what you are having? Our ultrasound will be at 20 weeks, which is September 25th, and we are planning to find out the gender then if all goes well (but we may not announce it immediately).
Do you have names figured out? We haven’t talked about names much at all. We probably won't discuss them until after we find out the gender. With Aynsley, we incorporated a family name from my side (my grandmother's name is Patricia, which is also my mother's middle name and my middle name). My hope is that we can incorporate a family name from Matt's side for this baby.
Will you still watch Gwen? And other kids? I am planning to keep watching kiddos! It makes my life easier. I can't imagine not having Gwen here; I don't think I'll ever let her go to pre-school.
How have you been feeling? I am one lucky pregnant lady. I felt good from beginning to end with Aynsley, my only complaints (pretty mild!) being some heartburn and back pain (although Matt and my close friends may remember a few other things). Honestly, I could have gone another week before Aynsley's arrival because I felt so great (maybe because I was expecting to feel so awful?).
With this pregnancy, I've felt very similar. Several days of nausea but no actual sickness, several days of being picky about food, and a strong dislike for a cup of coffee with creamer. This baby likes the fancy coffee - something from Starbucks or Coffee Crossing is perfect, but a regular cup of joe from the home coffeepot is a no-no. Today is the first day that I drank an entire cup of regular coffee at home! Finally!
Will you attempt a VBAC? You may remember that, after 6 hours of laboring at home, Matt and I found out that I was 9 cm and I was feeling ready to push when we arrived at the hospital...And then we found out that Aynsley was breech. We won't ever know when Aynsley moved - several midwives believed her to be head-down up until delivery. So I went through a c-section unexpectedly. For those of you who don't know, VBAC stands for Vaginal Birth After Cesarian. The first thing my operating doctor told me after delivery was that I had every hope for a successful VBAC next time around. Something about the type of incision and my healing, maybe? Two midwives have several times told me that I'm a great candidate for VBAC, and we want a big family, so I'm definitely going to attempt a VBAC.
This does change things for my prenatal care, though. I think I'm listed as high-risk on some of the paperwork at the office (but maybe I would be either way I chose to deliver?). I have to meet with a doctor in the office (where I go, the staff is made up of several doctors as well as several midwives) to get "approved" for a VBAC (no idea what this will mean - my incision scar has faded, so maybe the doctor will just review my case and discuss the risks with me?). Also, I'll have an additional ultrasound around 36 weeks to check on baby's position (with low-risk prenatal care provided by my midwives, one ultrasound to check for anatomy at 20 weeks is typical, so that's all we had with Aynsley). Of course, an ultrasound that near to the end of the pregnancy doesn't guarantee anything, but it'll be nice to have another quick look at our baby then.
If attempts at a VBAC are unsuccessful, then another c-section will be fine. Honestly, my only real concern with having multiple c-sections is that I'm afraid I will feel limited in how many kids we can have. My recovery after the c-section with Aynsley was amazing - after the initial medication wore off, I took Ibuprofen before bed one night in the hospital and that was it. I took home my prescription paper and wrote a to-do list on it! I was never in pain, just uncomfortable, and I didn't want to take medicine just because of that. So if I have to have another c-section, I have every expectation that it'll be okay.
If attempts at a VBAC are unsuccessful, then another c-section will be fine. Honestly, my only real concern with having multiple c-sections is that I'm afraid I will feel limited in how many kids we can have. My recovery after the c-section with Aynsley was amazing - after the initial medication wore off, I took Ibuprofen before bed one night in the hospital and that was it. I took home my prescription paper and wrote a to-do list on it! I was never in pain, just uncomfortable, and I didn't want to take medicine just because of that. So if I have to have another c-section, I have every expectation that it'll be okay.
So thank you for all of the prayers, congratulations, and well wishes that everyone has sent our way! It's kind of funny how many people weren't too surprised by our news - many of our friends and family members know that we want a big family (and I'm not getting any younger!), so it was kind of expected that we wouldn't be waiting too long to keep adding to the family. We can't wait to have another wonderful blessing in the family!
Monday, August 26, 2013
The Post I've Been Avoiding...
I've TOTALLY been avoiding this blog. It's been quite awhile since I posted and a lot has happened since then. I'll have days where I have time to write a post but I'll find something else to do instead. Day after day after day after day...Maybe I thought that by writing about what's been going on over the last several months, I'd really have to deal with it and work through it.
Many of you probably know that Matt and I have been very involved in our church since we moved here. We started attending shortly after we got married and, even though we didn't love everything about it (obviously!), we made some great friendships and kept attending, even becoming members before long. I immediately joined the worship team and got involved with children's ministries (two things I'm a part of almost five years later!) and I even worked as the office manager there for more than a year, as well as became a wedding facilitator for the church (something that I still do and that I love). Matt has been a part of many of the men's ministries activities and is even a member of the church board now, along with being the head usher for the service that we attend.
When we started at the church, the pastor had been there for several (um, almost 30) years. He moved onto another position within the denomination and we found a new pastor after a few months. A lot of staff changes went on over time, but an amazing team was put in place. I loved absolutely every member of the staff and the way that ministry was moving - it truly seemed like what God makes clear in the Bible that His church should be doing. I was so excited and happy to go to church on Sunday mornings. If you know me well, you probably know that I've enjoyed church and related activities pretty well since I became confirmed in the Catholic church and then started high school shortly thereafter (I've been involved in children's ministries for about fifteen years? Can I be that old?).
Fast forward to the last few months, which have involved Saturday nights of dreading Sunday mornings, breakdowns in the church bathroom, falling apart as I'm doing announcements in the service, etc. It's been rough.
I won't go into all the drama that still angers me and hurts me and breaks my heart every single time I think about it, but the pastor left and, within a few months, so did the rest of the staff. Including two of my best friends (if you know me well, they're the ones with the four boys, as I always say).
Doing all the same Sunday morning things without them felt...weird. Wrong. Off. And maybe that sounds like I wasn't doing it for God, but I don't think that was it. The situation was messed up (to say the very least) and people left when they shouldn't have had to leave. I know that since the church is made of people, it isn't perfect, blah blah blah. But when you know that people are supposed to be leaders of a church, they are supposed to have a relationship with Christ, and they are supposed to make decisions based on what God wants, you expect more than that. And maybe that sounds judgmental, but the words spoken about others that I heard with my own ears and that attitudes and looks and so on...Those were not based on Jesus. And I couldn't believe the things that I heard leaders in my church say, the attitudes that they had, the rudeness...It almost became too much. I just didn't want to be at church, and I have never felt like that (well, maybe when I was little and the promise of a treat if I was good worked like a charm).
Anyway, it's...okay now. Things aren't perfect, of course, and I know that they never will be, but I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to walk into that church again without my heart breaking a little bit. To know what was and what could have been...It shouldn't have happened the way it did, and I'm so hurt for the people who were treated the way that they were. They've all moved on to different ministries that seem pretty perfect for each of them, and I'm happy that they're happy. But, oh, to have them back and to be able to do the work that God was calling us to do...
There are so many more emotions that I could go through but this will probably be all that I post about it because it's still, months later, so raw. Maybe because I had friends on staff and a husband on the board that I felt it more personally and knew more than some of the other congregants, this was really a rough time for me. It's definitely getting better, but it just makes me long for heaven, where things will be perfect and the silly things won't matter.
For those of you who have been praying for me on this journey, thank you. I still need prayers if you're still willing to send them up.
Many of you probably know that Matt and I have been very involved in our church since we moved here. We started attending shortly after we got married and, even though we didn't love everything about it (obviously!), we made some great friendships and kept attending, even becoming members before long. I immediately joined the worship team and got involved with children's ministries (two things I'm a part of almost five years later!) and I even worked as the office manager there for more than a year, as well as became a wedding facilitator for the church (something that I still do and that I love). Matt has been a part of many of the men's ministries activities and is even a member of the church board now, along with being the head usher for the service that we attend.
When we started at the church, the pastor had been there for several (um, almost 30) years. He moved onto another position within the denomination and we found a new pastor after a few months. A lot of staff changes went on over time, but an amazing team was put in place. I loved absolutely every member of the staff and the way that ministry was moving - it truly seemed like what God makes clear in the Bible that His church should be doing. I was so excited and happy to go to church on Sunday mornings. If you know me well, you probably know that I've enjoyed church and related activities pretty well since I became confirmed in the Catholic church and then started high school shortly thereafter (I've been involved in children's ministries for about fifteen years? Can I be that old?).
Fast forward to the last few months, which have involved Saturday nights of dreading Sunday mornings, breakdowns in the church bathroom, falling apart as I'm doing announcements in the service, etc. It's been rough.
I won't go into all the drama that still angers me and hurts me and breaks my heart every single time I think about it, but the pastor left and, within a few months, so did the rest of the staff. Including two of my best friends (if you know me well, they're the ones with the four boys, as I always say).
Doing all the same Sunday morning things without them felt...weird. Wrong. Off. And maybe that sounds like I wasn't doing it for God, but I don't think that was it. The situation was messed up (to say the very least) and people left when they shouldn't have had to leave. I know that since the church is made of people, it isn't perfect, blah blah blah. But when you know that people are supposed to be leaders of a church, they are supposed to have a relationship with Christ, and they are supposed to make decisions based on what God wants, you expect more than that. And maybe that sounds judgmental, but the words spoken about others that I heard with my own ears and that attitudes and looks and so on...Those were not based on Jesus. And I couldn't believe the things that I heard leaders in my church say, the attitudes that they had, the rudeness...It almost became too much. I just didn't want to be at church, and I have never felt like that (well, maybe when I was little and the promise of a treat if I was good worked like a charm).
Anyway, it's...okay now. Things aren't perfect, of course, and I know that they never will be, but I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to walk into that church again without my heart breaking a little bit. To know what was and what could have been...It shouldn't have happened the way it did, and I'm so hurt for the people who were treated the way that they were. They've all moved on to different ministries that seem pretty perfect for each of them, and I'm happy that they're happy. But, oh, to have them back and to be able to do the work that God was calling us to do...
There are so many more emotions that I could go through but this will probably be all that I post about it because it's still, months later, so raw. Maybe because I had friends on staff and a husband on the board that I felt it more personally and knew more than some of the other congregants, this was really a rough time for me. It's definitely getting better, but it just makes me long for heaven, where things will be perfect and the silly things won't matter.
For those of you who have been praying for me on this journey, thank you. I still need prayers if you're still willing to send them up.
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